Well I want to write something for this blog of Nancy's. I want to offer the husbands perspective but I don't know what to say that hasn't been said already.
I love Layla. I want the best for her. I want to hug her, and kiss her tiny forehead. I want to cuddle her on the couch and watch football. I want to use my foot to bounce the bouncer so she stays sleeping. I want to watch as Nancy holds her on her chest while Kylie sleeps in her lap on the couch. I want to watch her fall asleep in her highchair while eating her baby food. I am afraid I will miss these moments. I am afraid that she won't come home. I know this might be our reality; but I can be optimistic, right?
This is testing me and my faith to a measure that I didn't know existed. I am not sure how to feel right now. There will be a point where the feeling overflows, a point where I let it all out. But right now……its numb. I look at Kylie and Nancy and wonder how I could do life with out them. AND I SIMPLY COULD NOT. I wonder how this will change once Layla is born.
As a man, husband and father I want to fix things. I want to find a solution; find an answer and then move forward. I am helpless right now. What makes this so real is the fact that we do not need to set up the crib, buy diapers, and things like that.
I have to say that the people we surround ourselves with are making this so much better. Nancy and I both have jobs that are supportive of us, our family, and our decisions. I am happy that Nancy can go to work and feel loved and feel strong enough to talk to her coworkers and friends about our situation. I am also relieved that I can go to work and know that if I need to "talk things out" I can; that people will listen and not judge.
I personally want to thank everyone that knows us, reads this, calls us, or sends us mail. THANK YOU This is the beginning of our journey, but it wont be the end. My family will stay strong, my family will continue to love the LORD, my family will continue to love each other, my family will continue to love Layla.
This post would not be complete without a mention of a song/lyrics.
Beautiful Things- Gungor I really do enjoy there music.
So open itunes and listen or open iTunes, download ,then listen. :)
Thank you all and God Bless.
Bryan