Kylie May

Kylie May

Layla Faith

Layla Faith

Zoey Noelle

Zoey Noelle


Our baby boy, due March 16th.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

65 Years

Is it friday, yet? I know it's only Wednesday, but I'm ready for the weekend. It's been an exciting week.

On Monday, Bryan & I celebrated our 7 year anniversary! Woo hoo!
We didn't do anything special since we were working. Someday, we'll take a weekend off and venture somewhere marvelous...

On Tuesday, Kylie & I went to Tomah to visit my cousin and her family. We went with my mom, Sarah and all the kids. It was a three hour drive and it went pretty well. We had lunch there and went to the Tomah Aquatic Center. None of the kids napped, so they all crashed after we grabbed something to eat on the way home.

I have been so proud of Kylie lately. I feel like she has been behaving so well. We went to a party on Saturday where she was also amazing. I have just been impressed with her listening, her attitude and flexibility. I love it. Bryan & I are so blessed with our little princess! (All the kids are really good. I'm just bragging about my own because I can.)

*Now, I don't write this to get sympathy. It's just how I'm feeling.*

I wish I could be excited about babies again. It's like I have a bad taste in my mouth. I don't like it at all. I don't think I'm bitter or jealous. I just want that good feeling again when we talk about babies. My cousin is pregnant with a little boy (due in August). I feel like so much of the conversation was about babies/kids. I didn't feel like I could contribute to the conversation at all. I know I could. I have Kylie. But it's like, "Four years ago when I had Kylie..." or "When I was pregnant with Layla...". It's not current for me. I'm not in that situation. And I wish I was. I have a high-grade baby fever.

I feel like I've been robbed of that joy. The joy of pregnancy. The joy of finding out the gender. The joy of picking out clothes. The joy of thinking of names. I just want that again. I miss that overwhelming joy. I ache for that to come back someday. I pray that it will come back someday. That when we do get pregnant, I can be happy and joyful. That I can be filled with excitement and not fear. I have a lump in my throat, just thinking about it. 

Bryan and I are so blessed to have Kylie. When we were at the pool, there was a lady talking to us about all her kids. I don't expect others to think like me or to think of me when we have conversations like that. But Layla is all I can think of. I have two kids. do I say that. I typically just avoid that question. It hurts so bad. Again, I just don't join the conversation. Kylie & I went to get a treat instead. As we walked, I told Kylie how much I was missing Layla at the time. I said, "When everyone is talking about their brothers & sisters it makes me miss Layla.". Kylie responded, "I can make you happy, mom." Isn't that the truth? What a blessing to have her in our lives. We are so proud of who she is. She is compassionate and caring toward everyone. She is always concerned about others. We love that about her. She will be a great big sister/mom/aunt/grandma someday.

With all of that being said, I'm so happy to have Bryan in my life. He can make me laugh when I want to cry. We have been through so much in seven years. I've loved having him by my side through every minute of it. I feel like we've had so many interesting journey's. We've taken a few risks and trusted God through it all. It's been a fun seven years. One day, we'll be the couple in that picture. People will ask us how we've stayed together for 65 years.


NanaDiana said...

Hi Sweetie! We are traveling this week and in the mountains but I wanted you to know that I understand how you feel. My daughter went through much of the same thing when her little AnnaBella died at birth. It is a horrible thing to have happen...and it takes the joy out of what should be one of the biggest blessings in your life.

She had another little girl about 2 years later. It helped but the thought and memory of that precious face is with all of us always. You wonder -what would she be doing now? how would she look now? I guess you just have to believe that God needed that one more baby girl for his kingdom and that her days on Earth would not have been good ones.

I will say a prayer for you that you can start to feel some peace about it. It doesn't happen overnight but it does come.

Blessings to you and Happy Anniversary! xo Diana

Lyla Our Little Miracle said...

Happy anniversary! My 12 year anniversary is on Saturday! It's nice to have a great guy isn't it! Did you ever think of naming a star for Layla.? It might be something to think about. Kylie could blow a kiss to the starlite sky each night before bed and kiss her baby sister goodnight! And so could you mommy! Xoxo