Kylie May

Kylie May

Layla Faith

Layla Faith

Zoey Noelle

Zoey Noelle

Boyee

Boyee
Our baby boy, due March 16th.

Thursday, October 09, 2014

I Know the Pain of a Heart Break


I realize that I haven't posted in a very long time. Since the beginning of the month, I've been wanting to write a post to recognize that October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

This was proclaimed in October of 1988 by President Reagan, "When a child loses his parent, they are called and orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the US and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes."

Sadly, I think it's safe to say that we all know at least one person who has had to experience the loss of a child (aside from me). Join me in taking few minutes for a quick prayer for comfort and understanding. For renewed faith in these homes. To turn to God despite the terrible storm that they've endured. Recognize that these children were on purpose.

Some of you may have heard of the "bucket list baby" story floating around Facebook. I believe it gained popularity because they knew their baby had a poor diagnosis and made the most of it by documenting all of the fun things they did with Baby Shane in mom's belly. What a sweet idea!

I saw this story on my news feed many many times. Again today, as Baby Shane was born early this morning and passed shortly after. Over the last month or so, I skipped over the story many times. I think out of my desire for ignorance. I wish, so badly, that I didn't know those feelings. But, I know them all too well. They are so real to me still.

I've written about this picture a couple times. This picture speaks a million words to me. I have a feeling that every mom who has lost a child has 'this picture'. A picture that portrays so many feelings that cannot be described. A picture that causes waves of emotion each time you look at it. Just knowing those feelings that you had in that moment. This is the picture of my heart break.

This picture was taken moments after the Dr. checked Layla's heart beat.

To all the moms who have lost a child. Please know this, "You didn’t choose this. You didn’t want this to happen. You didn’t do anything wrong. It just happened. To you. Despite your begging, pleading, praying, hoping against all hope it would not. Even though everything within you was screaming no, no, no, no, no."
 - Angela Miller, You Are the Mother of All Mothers

I know the pain of a heart break. I know your pain of your heart break.