Kylie May

Kylie May

Layla Faith

Layla Faith

Zoey Noelle

Zoey Noelle


Our baby boy, due March 16th.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

A Foggy December Last Year

I'm typing this after a long day at work, while Beanie is kicking away. Probably hungry again. This month has taken me back to remembering last December. Or the lack of remembering. There are so many things that happened for work/church last year. I try to remember "how did we do it last year?" "was i there last year?" "did i edit that?". I can't remember anything. Part of it is because it's so busy and there is so much to remember. But, for me, all I remember is thinking about Layla every second of every day. It's hard to have that tied to my Christmas memories. Makes me miss her more than usual.

Monday was one year since Layla's party. I'm still so happy that we had that party for her. I remember every single one of you that was there. It meant so much to us. I remember being so strong. I'm not feeling it now. But, I know it's in me. It's in Him.

I'm getting overwhelmed at work. A little bit over worked. I have literally had three days this month that I haven't been at work. And on those three days, I was filming weddings. I love my jobs. This month is just really busy. These long days are stressful and exhausting. Oh - and I'm pregnant. So that doesn't help with my emotions when I'm stressed. Lots of feelings and memories these days. I have much more to write, that I'd love to get 'off my chest' but I'm ready to be home.

Anyway, God knew I needed a break. Tomorrow is a well-needed, well-deserved snow day!! I get to stay home, all day long. In fact, I won't even be able to leave to run errands or be busy. I can't wait! I feel like a little kid. Work is closed. School is closed. (I am bringing some work home with me, but hoping to do it while Kylie's napping or helping Bryan shovel.)

So, to those of you in the path of the blizzard, be safe if you must go out. If not, enjoy your snow day! One of the few benefits of a Wisconsin winter. Take a minute to slow down in this 'always too busy' Christmas season.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Family Sunday - Picture Overload

My, oh my! I love this time of the year. Sure, work is crazy, but it's so much fun to have family time! Kylie's recital was great last Friday/Saturday. I was very proud of how well I did at directing the show & Kylie was cute, as usual. Last Saturday, Emily & her girls came home for a while. Her husband, Brook, is deployed yet again over Christmastime. Stinks for her, but it's great for us! We haven't all been together since April when we drove to Florida. It was my nephew's first birthday on Dec 6 so we celebrated his birthday together on Sunday. We went to the Christmas tree farm and went out to eat afterwards. It was the perfect day. I was super happy that it snowed!! Made for some cute snowy pics. Enjoy :)

 Kylie in her dance costume (minus the cute crown)

This was taken right after we got bundled up at the tree farm.

Together again! I snapped this right before we got carried away with the kids. 
(Sarah. Emily. Nancy.)

We can always count on Uncle Bryan playing with the kids. 
He thought of bringing the sled & the kids took turns riding on it.
(Sam. Isabelle. Kylie.)
Riding on the wagon. 
(Isabelle. Emily. Lucienne.)

 I was the one who wore gloves with no finger tips, so I took pics,
 held tree tags, & carried the measuring stick.
 Bryan & Kylie looking for a tree. 

The kids ran around through the trees throwing snowballs at Uncle Chad. 
I went in to take pics & Jack got me!

 Loading up the trailer with our trees.

Warming up with hot chocolate & popcorn. 
(Kylie. Isabelle. Jack.)

Kylie wanted to visit Santa. She wants a baby doll & stroller this year. 
(Same as last year. Will it always be that easy?) 

Ben, The Birthday Boy!!!!
Uncle Bryan was making him giggle for a long time!
(The shirt was custom made by Sarah's friend Hilary. Find her on Facebook!)

Friday, December 07, 2012

My Little Ballerina

It's been a busy week. I put in my 40 hours by the end of yesterday and I have a couple more days of work! Our church has our kids musical tonight at 7 & tomorrow at 1. We had rehearsals on Sunday night & last night. Last night's rehearsal was challenging for me because I had to work & get Kylie ready for dance. She was not very cooperative before it began. She must have gotten her second wind after dancing, because she was having a blast after practice was over. Dancing all over the stage after most people had left. I have to share this little video. There wasn't any music on, but that didn't stop my little ballerina.

My Little Ballerina from Simply Fresh Films on Vimeo.

Kylie dances with her class in the show. If you'd like to watch, we will be streaming it live online. It's a fun family friendly show about the true meaning of Christmas. Enjoy your weekend! 

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Layla Faith's First Birthday!

Last week Thursday was Layla's first birthday! **If you haven't been to my blog before, please check out the Our Story page.** As I had written, the anticipation was emotional. It was hard to think of what we wanted to do. How do we honor her? What can we do to celebrate every year? What should be special for her first? Bryan and I both took the day off from work. Not knowing how hard it would be or what we'd want to do. Kylie had school until noon and then went to the sitters.

In my family, we grew up having candy in the morning. We all had to get to school early, so we would have our favorite candy on the table for breakfast & open presents in the morning. I remember waking up to the sound of Skittles pouring into a glass candy dish. Best. Sound. Ever.

We couldn't leave Layla out of this tradition. So we woke up to candy, cards, and flowers on the table. Bryan picked out Twizzler Pull n Peels. (Kylie came home from the sitter's and asked for Layla's candy. So I guess that's 'her candy' now.) I, of course, teared up when reading the card that Bryan got for Layla. Kylie asked why my eyes were watering and I told her because I missed Layla. She said, but I'm not sad! She always knows how to make me smile. Kylie asked if we could go visit her for her birthday. I said no and her response was "Is heaven really really far away?". I wish it was so simple in my head like it is in hers.

Layla's ashes have been in a box in the funeral home bag in our closet for a year. We always wanted to sprinkle her ashes at our tree and figured her first birthday was the perfect time to do it. I may have talked about our tree in the past. It's not 'our tree'. It's just a random dead tree in the middle of a field on Hwy 10. Bryan and I have driven that stretch since we moved to Stevens Point in 2003. Every single time, we would point out 'our tree'. We've never walked up to it in over 10 years. To see the way that is has changed over the years is so interesting to us. It's gone through a lot of changes, but gained so much character. We always wonder how long it will stay standing. Hoping it's still there each time we drive through.

Our visit to the tree was perfect. There was nothing I would change about it. We asked our friend, Mandi to come with to take pictures. This would be the only time we would actually walk up to our tree. I wanted it documented for when Kylie is old enough to understand what we did. She took amazing pictures and just let us 'do our thing'. We sprinkled her ashes and left a "Layla Ribbon" with them. One for me, Bryan & Kylie. Then we ventured down to the bottom of the tree. It was so interesting to see all of the old branches that had fallen off over the years at the bottom of the tree. We tied a ribbon around the tree in memory of our sweet baby. It was the best thing we could have done for her first birthday. Surprisingly, it feels good to have done something with her ashes. One year later, and another bit of closure.

After we were done at the tree, we went to Appleton for some shopping/eating. We came home and picked up a cake & Kylie for dinner. The three of us went to Mackinaws for a birthday meal. We quietly sang happy birthday and blew out one pink candle on a mini cake for Layla.

The whole day was perfect. Layla was perfect. We miss her everyday. We remember last year like it was yesterday. I remember all of the details. All of the pictures we have. Family and friends who surrounded us with love. This year has been a 'process' of grieving. I am in a much different place than I was those few months after she was born. Praise God that He is able to bring us joy in the mourning. That He carries us through and blesses us for remaining faithful. (Click pictures to see them bigger.)

"Storms make trees take deeper roots."

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Anticipation...

I've read online - "Surviving the Holidays", "Making it Through the Milestones", "What it's Like: 1 Year After". Some of them have helped. They are nice articles. Real advice from other moms like me. They say, "The anticipation leading up to the day is usually more emotional than the day itself". Layla's first birthday is on Thursday. Right now, I'm feeling okay. I've been busy. However, I am looking forward to spending the day with Bryan & Kylie. Taking some time to celebrate & remember Layla. I 'feel' okay, but I know I just haven't thought about it much. I haven't been sleeping good this week. Feeling sick or just waking up for no reason.

Anyway, her birthday is in two days. I'm ready for a little party with Kylie & Bryan for her that day. How cute she would be as a little one year old smashing cake?!

I keep that note & Layla's ribbon at my office desk. 
I've been wearing my Layla necklace everyday this week.

I have been thinking of each of you a lot these past couple days and how much you did for us before, during, and after Layla's birth. I remember so many of the little and big things that were done for us. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much each thing meant to us and how it still makes us smile to know that you support us still. Thank you.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thanks Be To God

It's crazy. Just when you think you have everything figured out. Planned just the way it should be, God changes things. Not that it's a big deal, but on Monday my key got stuck in the van. It wouldn't turn. There was much juggling going around the next day or so. We went to my parents to pick up their car to borrow. It all worked out. We got it fixed for less than $100 and can pick it up tomorrow.  But, it was annoying. It's always something going on.

Also, on Tuesday Kylie was jumping on the trampoline at a friend's house & hurt her ankle. We took her in this morning and it's not broken. That's good! She's slowly starting to walk on it and feel better. She was pretty bummed the first 24 hours or so. We spoiled her pretty good with a Strawberry Shortcake DVD. I'm sure tomorrow will help keep her mind off of it with her cousins to play with.

I was just thinking after our appointment about how great I was starting to feel. I can breathe again. I just feel like we get that little glimpse of 'easy' and then something else is thrown in to mess it up. I know it's all God's plan and timing. I need to go back and read some of my posts! He knows what He's doing!

It's the busiest season of the year for me at work with tons of productions. Bryan's busy at Starbucks, because don't we all get more Starbucks at Christmas time? Kylie's busy with a Christmas dance recital and a school production. I threw in a couple weddings to the busy season. One in November & two in December! Then, I am super excited to be doing a wedding show in January at Shopko Hall. I'm trying to get ready for that.

Anyway - we also put an offer in on a house. We just saw this house in our neighborhood pop up online in our price range (which is not common in our neighborhood). It is a short sale and needs new carpet/paint. Otherwise it looks great. The offer was accepted by the seller, but now the bank has 90 days to accept. After that, we'll have an inspection & close hopefully in February/March. That sounds so far away! The timing works to our advantage since our lease is up in February. But it is a lot of waiting and not knowing what to expect. I guess we're good at that? I know we're crazy. We haven't done anything the 'traditional' way (didn't graduate college, were engaged for 4 months, left a house in Stevens Point to move to Green Bay without jobs, now trying to buy a house). I wouldn't change a thing. I know it's all risky, but it forces us to put our trust in God. He will provide and guide our steps. If this house works, that's awesome! If it doesn't, oh well. Our only hiccup is that we haven't been saving for a house because we weren't planning on buying one until we sell our house in Point. That's not happening soon, so we thought we'd go for it here. We just need to come up with the down payment. Pinching pennies and selling things we don't use. Then the van broke. But again, it will all work out!

I'm rambling now. Be thankful this year. I know everyone is doing the 'I'm thankful for..." Facebook posts and stuff. I think it's cool to list everything off. There is so much. It's fun to share with other people what you're thankful for, but really it's all thanks to God. He is our provider. I am thankful that I can trust in God for all of the big & little things.

With all of that being said, thanks be to God! Have a great Thanksgiving with the people you are so thankful for!

Lord, so often times, as any other day
When we sit down to our meal and pray
We hurry along and make fast the blessing
Thanks, amen. Now please pass the dressing
We’re slaves to the olfactory overload
We must rush our prayer before the food gets cold
But Lord, I’d like to take a few minute more
To really give thanks to what I’m thankful for
For my family, my health, a nice soft bed
My friends, my freedom, a roof over my head
I’m thankful right now to be surrounded by those
Whose lives touch me more than they’ll ever possibly know
Thankful Lord, that You’ve blessed me beyond measure
Thankful that in my heart lives life’s greatest treasure
That You, dear Jesus, reside in that place
And I’m ever so grateful for Your unending grace
So please, heavenly Father, bless this food You’ve provided
And bless each and every person invited

Read more:
Lord, so often times, as any other day
When we sit down to our meal and pray
We hurry along and make fast the blessing
Thanks, amen. Now please pass the dressing
We’re slaves to the olfactory overload
We must rush our prayer before the food gets cold
But Lord, I’d like to take a few minute more
To really give thanks to what I’m thankful for
For my family, my health, a nice soft bed
My friends, my freedom, a roof over my head
I’m thankful right now to be surrounded by those
Whose lives touch me more than they’ll ever possibly know
Thankful Lord, that You’ve blessed me beyond measure
Thankful that in my heart lives life’s greatest treasure
That You, dear Jesus, reside in that place
And I’m ever so grateful for Your unending grace
So please, heavenly Father, bless this food You’ve provided
And bless each and every person invited
-Scott Wesemann

Read more:
Lord, so often times, as any other day
When we sit down to our meal and pray
We hurry along and make fast the blessing
Thanks, amen. Now please pass the dressing
We’re slaves to the olfactory overload
We must rush our prayer before the food gets cold
But Lord, I’d like to take a few minute more
To really give thanks to what I’m thankful for
For my family, my health, a nice soft bed
My friends, my freedom, a roof over my head
I’m thankful right now to be surrounded by those
Whose lives touch me more than they’ll ever possibly know
Thankful Lord, that You’ve blessed me beyond measure
Thankful that in my heart lives life’s greatest treasure
That You, dear Jesus, reside in that place
And I’m ever so grateful for Your unending grace
So please, heavenly Father, bless this food You’ve provided
And bless each and every person invited
-Scott Wesemann

Read more:

Friday, November 16, 2012

Beanie Is A Girl!!

We're having a baby! Look at how great she looks! Long spine & legs that could actually be measured! Everything measured exactly as it should. 17 weeks and 5 days. She was moving around like crazy yesterday. Even though she was moving, she was very cooperative for the ultrasound tech. We just couldn't get a great pic of her face. They did all the measurements and looked at her heart. Every little thing we saw was a relief. What a weight off our shoulders. It felt so good to see her. And now, call Beanie a 'her'. 

I'll write more later. Back to work. Thanks again for your prayers. God is so good!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Kylie & Her Siblings

Kylie is such a huge blessing in our life. The love for a child is indescribable sometimes. They offer such an innocence and so many moments of pure joy. This post is really just to share a couple things that Kylie has said about her siblings in the past couple weeks. To this day, I am glad that we allowed her to meet Layla and that we always tried to keep her in the loop.

The other night before bed, Kylie was relaxing in the living room. She grabbed her notebook and a pencil & began writing and drawing. The picture was a couple stick people. There were a lot of letters and I asked her what it said. She had just finished giving me a massage on my legs and brushing my hair. The notebook read, according to Kylie, "Thank you for massaging my legs and brushing my hair. Please help Layla have a good day up in heaven and I hope she paints a sunset. And for Beanie, Daddy, and Mommy. Amen."

It seems like Layla is always on her mind. Some days more than others. Layla is definitely not forgotten in our house. On our way home from the babysitters one night, Kylie asked if she could sit between mom and dad at supper. I said of course. She continued to count, "Mom and dad and Kylie is three. Mom, Dad, Kylie, Layla and Beanie is one, two, three, four, five. That's all of us!"

Again, I'm just so happy that she remembers. I'm proud of how we've handled everything. On Sunday at lunch with some friends, she quietly said, "Where's Layla?". I whispered in her ear, "She's in heaven, remember?". Her response was the typical girly, "Oh...yeah. I knew that."

Every morning and every night she talks to Beanie (my belly). Last night Kylie was telling Beanie all about tomorrow. "We're going to figure our if you're a boy or a girl. And take you a picture and um...uh...and figure out if you can come home... with us...all you Beanie"

I was shocked at that conversation. Tomorrow is the big day!  Kylie was right. We'll find out the gender and that Beanie will be coming home with us in April. That's what we're believing. We can't wait. I'm so glad it's at 9 in the morning!

On a side note, we found a house that's perfect. Great location, great price, great timing. But, we'll see what happens. It's a short sale. So, it's all up in the air. Bryan and I aren't are trying not to get attached and excited. Just because there are a lot of steps to the process. It could last another day or a couple months. We'd appreciate some prayers to know if it's the right thing to move forward with. Either way, it's okay. We have a place to live, but it would be awesome to find a permanent home.

Thanks again for your prayers & support for tomorrow. I'm not nervous, yet. I'm just really excited and anxious to see Beanie. So the ultrasound is at 9. The meeting with Dr. Hayes (Layla's Dr.) is at 10. Our appointment with our normal Dr. is at 11. Bryan was wishing we could just hear how Beanie looks during the ultrasound, but they're not allowed to say anything. I'm hoping we have the sweet lady that we had for Layla all the time. She'll point out the things we want to see.

Okay! Until Friday, probably. (Since we're telling family on Thursday night.)

My co-worker made this awesome sign that I have hanging up behind my desk at work. We've been counting down for 4 weeks! It went pretty fast!

Kylie May, age 4, modeling a Disney jacket -Target, yellow skinny jeans -Old Navy, and pink sparkly Toms (not shown). I'm turning it in to a fashion blog. j/k.

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Happy 100th Post!

I was about to post a little update from our appointment yesterday, until I realized it would be my 100th. So I made myself wait so it could be a good one. :)

I'll go backwards because that's how I remember things! My 16 week appointment was yesterday. It was another easy, good appointment. It's getting very close to Layla's birthday. I can feel myself becoming even more emotional, vulnerable, closer to tears with certain topics. Similar to how I felt a few months after Layla was born. I'm sure this is all just part of the process again. Being pregnant adds another level to it, I think.

 At our appointment I mentioned a few little things I'm feeling. Normal pregnancy things, back aches, growing body parts. It was very interesting when my Dr. asked if I noticed those things with Layla. To be honest, I didn't. I was physically comfortable throughout my pregnancy with Layla. Aside from sleeping bad (uncomfortable, crying or couldn't shut my brain off) I felt good physically. My Dr.'s response was 'maybe it's a good sign that you're uncomfortable". I'd have to agree. I don't mind having felt sick in the first couple months, or being uncomfortable now. If you want something bad enough, the physical discomfort doesn't bother you. In fact, I know this will change, but I don't think my baby's crying will get old. I can't wait. I will feel grateful every time I see my baby. I think my perspective is just going to be different. We'll see!

Our big ultrasound is next week Thursday! I keep calling it 'our big ultrasound'. Only because it's with Dr. Hayes. He'll do measurements & look closely at everything. Bryan and I will find out if it's a boy or girl! I am very very very anxious. I don't think I'm scared. I'm sure I will get a little more worried as the appointment approaches & I walk into that office again. I can't wait to see an ultrasound of a healthy baby. I have images of Layla's ultrasounds in my head. They are not bad and I love her little body. However, on the ultrasounds, everyone could see that she looked different. I want to see a 3D picture of this baby without swelling around it's head. Or short arms and legs. Or an inflamed umbilical cord. Or numbers that are weeks off of where they should be. I remember the best part of every ultrasound was seeing Layla's heart beating. Just knowing that it would beat longer in me than in the world. That we wouldn't hear or feel it much. We savored those moments. Thanks to a friend who went through the same situation, we have videos of her heartbeat. It's so lovely.

We'll be having a big family dinner on Thursday night after the ultrasound to tell them if it's a boy or girl. I'm sure we'll share it on the blog/Facebook shortly after. Thanks for your prayers in advance for our ultrasound & peace of mind before & during it.

Enough about Beanie! Kylie is so cute. She is going to be such a good big sister. Just like with Layla, she talks to Beanie every morning & night. When she says "Love you mom!", she adds "Love Beanie too!". The other day she informed Bryan and I that she will be calling Beanie, Beanie, after it's born. If it's a boy or girl. She likes Beanie. So it sounds like that might stick.

Two weekends ago, we had Kylie's Lorax party. It was perfect! She loved having her friends and cousins over to play and eat cake. I'll post some pics of everything at the end of this post. My friend Crimson, who has 3 little girls, was here for the whole weekend. It was so much fun. A little crazy, but a lot of fun. The weekend before that was Adam & Staci's wedding. The fun doesn't stop for our house!

 This weekend, Sarah & the boys are coming to hang out. We have a big church event on Sunday. All of our campuses (5) are getting together for one big 10:30 service at the Weidner Center in Green Bay. It's always tons of fun to have everyone together. Crim & the family will be in town, so I'm hoping we can do lunch. I have to work all morning. If you're interested in seeing what I do, watch the service live online! We usually broadcast from our East Green Bay campus, but decided to bring a couple cameras to the Weidner to still air it online. Check it out Sunday morning at 10:30.

Next weekend, my cousin is getting married in Minnesota. My sister and I are using it as a reason to get away! We'll go together on Saturday/Sunday. No kids or hubby's. The following weekend is Thanksgiving, then Layla's birthday, another wedding, Kylie's Christmas dance recital, another wedding, another of Kylie's Christmas shows, and then the new year!!! Where has this year gone? The next couple months will fly by. Come January when things slow down, I'll have to prepare for Beanie! I love this season. I don't mind that it's crazy. I kind of like it. :) Here are some pics! Enjoy.

The Wedding
1)Family pic before rehearsal 2)Kylie getting her make up done for the wedding 3)Showing her handsome daddy her hair 4)She thought Staci was so beautiful! 5)Pics outside before the ceremony. 

1)A pink rose in memory of Layla in Staci's boquet 2)Kylie, walking down the isle 3)The bride & groom 4)Me & Kylie after the ceremony. I was so proud of her!

 1)Walking out with Daddy 2)The kiddie cocktail we promised her 3)Dancing with daddy 4)Walking upstairs with daddy (she got really good at holding her dress up)

Kylie's Birthday
 1)Lorax tree decorations 2)Mustaches for the guests 3)Fruit kabobs 4)Goldfish, marshmallows, teddy grahams 5)Orange punch

 1) Her guests with their mustaches 2)Sylvia 3)Ben 4)The princesses

Girls Day Out
 1)Shopping 2)Olive Garden lunch 3)Getting their nails painted 4)Group pic

 1)Getting her hair washed 2)Cutting 3)Love the cut! 4) Happy to have twists & sparkles

 1)Lucky girls got to wear their halloween costumes to dance class 2)Painting a pumpkin for school 3)Trick or treating 4)Pic with mom 5)All done trick or treating


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Forgot to Post!

Sorry, friends! I forgot to post about my appointment last week. It was a busy week preparing for Adam & Staci's wedding. We had a lot to get done before we left on Friday morning. (Most of you are on Facebook, so I figured you knew my appointment went well.)

We had another great appointment. I'm 14 weeks now. We heard the heartbeat but didn't get an ultrasound. I wanted one, but Bryan convinced me that the heartbeat was enough. It's always nice to see you baby. I think a piece of me would like to see that Beanie looks 'normal'. So I'm anxious for our big ultrasound! We have another normal appointment on November 6th. Then our appointment with Dr. Hayes is on the 15th. It's the anatomy ultrasound. They'll measure everything & we will be finding out what we're having. After all of our ultrasounds with Layla, I don't think we could sit through a 3D ultrasound without seeing what the gender is.

I wanted so badly to have a big gender reveal party last year. I had it all planned with cute invites and games. We cancelled it when we found everything out a few days before our party. So, I'm a little bummed that we never we able to do that. We'll have a little family party with Beanie to reveal the gender. Which will be just as fun!

For an update: Beanie is great and we're thrilled.

Last weekend was Adam & Staci's wedding. Everything went as planned. Kylie was amazing! She was so well behaved. She looked and was treated like a princess the whole day. Bryan look pretty handsome, too, in his fancy tux. Of course, the bride was gorgeous! I'll have to post pictures sometime.

Kylie May's 4th birthday was on Tuesday. We had candy for breakfast & she got to be home with Bryan all afternoon since he was off. Her party is on Friday, so I'm running errands to get ready for that!

That's the quick update! Pics from the party & wedding to come soon! Happy Wednesday.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Hair Dryer Time

Kylie has been sick for a little over a week. She has a bad cough and cold. No fever. We're trying to get her lots of sleep & get her healthy before this weekend. Adam & Staci's wedding is on Saturday!

Well, now Bryan is sick. He gets sick so easily. And I'm sorry honey, but men are terrible at being sick! I'm sure all you women out there would agree with me.

So, I woke up to Bryan coughing & complaining about being sick. Kylie asking me to get up and give her cereal. Such is the life of a mom & wife.

Anyway, my favorite moment of the day was when I was drying my hair! Sounds funny, but it was great. Bryan was in the bedroom being all sleepy & pouting about being sick. Kylie was in the bathtub (after I had worked very hard to wash her hair) begging me to fix this fishing pole toy. I happily turned on my hair dryer (which perfectly drowned out the noise) and proceeded to dry my hair. Today, I made sure every strand was dry. I truly enjoyed that time to ignore my family think about and prepare for my day.

My point is, us ladies deserve time to do our hair. Make yourself a priority for a few minutes or more everyday! Don't feel guilty. Love every second of it!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Quick Post

Just a quick post to say 'hi'! And I wanted ya'll to check out my new design. It's a freebie again. I thought it was cute.

I've been spending my free thinking time thinking about Adam & Staci's wedding next weekend. Last minute details and things I need to buy. I found a dress, but need some flats for the reception. Kylie needs a sweater in case it's cold. My mom is coming along to help with Kylie. (It won't be hard, but I just want Kylie to go to bed early on Friday & things like that.)

We have a Beanie apt next week Wednesday. I feel like I'm getting bigger, but nobody else can tell. None of my clothes fit. I'm just hoping I look more pregnant than like I've gained weight for the wedding!

Other thoughts are about the wedding show in January. I do wedding videos, so I'll have a booth at the big Green Bay wedding show. I'm super excited & trying to figure out what my booth will look like. Any suggestions are welcomed.

I just finished another long Wednesday of work. Heading home for popcorn & Modern Family with Bryan. Have a good week!

PS - I added an Instagram Photostream page. There's a link on the top left. I'm always posting pics to Instagram & thought I'd share. The sizing isn't quite right, but if you click on the pic you can see it all. 

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

We Didn't Have Enough Time

Man, was I nervous for our appointment yesterday. I don't know why. I had so much faith for so long, I feel like it's wearing out. I know that's not a 'thing'. I saw this quote on Pintrest "People cry, not because they're weak. It's because they've been strong for too long." I feel that way often. I didn't sleep on Monday night. I was awake early and my appointment was at noon. It was a long morning, trying to focus & stay distracted with my work. I think I had a 'strong' mindset for a solid 15 weeks with Layla. I have let my mind wander from that these past few weeks. We've had appointments every two weeks and this stretch was three. Anyway, I'm a bit embarrassed to say I was a wreck. However, all of the strong comments, scriptures and posts on Facebook helped a ton. I don't remember the last time that I referred to a status update multiple times a day. I literally re-read those many times before noon. Thank you for that. I know I should be able to do that myself, but it sure does help to have you all saying the things I should say to myself. Thank you, really.

My fear & anxiousness was for nothing. Beanie's heartbeat was 172 (faster than the girls' ever were). This was the first time we heard the heartbeat. We've been having the 'crappy' (our Dr. uses a different word) ultrasound machine, but it finally broke. So, we just got the heartbeat. Bryan couldn't be there, but my mom came with. I know someday I'll have to go by myself, but I just don't want to. I almost pulled out my phone to record the heartbeat for Bryan & Kylie, but we were already done when I thought of it. Maybe next time. I know Kylie would love it. She wanted to come to my appointment to hold my hand. She's so sweet. (This week has been exceptionally better with Kylie. She's doing great at home & school.)

When I checked my Facebook this morning, I saw a friend's post who is 37 weeks. Her post read something about "can't wait to bring our baby girl home". This struck me for some reason. As I thought about it, I realized why. I have literally been thinking one appointment to the next. The thought of bringing a baby home has barely crossed my mind. After that appointment in August last year, I programmed my brain to know that my baby wasn't coming home. I mean, you all know that I hoped & prayed for something different. But, I couldn't allow myself to think about Layla coming home. So I was taken back when I read that post. I'm almost 12 weeks and everything is going great. At some point, I'm going to have to think about bringing a baby home! It's not a bad thing, I just don't think it will come as easily as it should for me.

As expected, this pregnancy has made me think of Layla so much. I already think of her everyday. I was watching a tv show last night. This lady's husband died. She was tough during the entire episode. People talking about her hubby & telling stories of how great he was. But, at the end of the show she shouted toward the ocean, "We didn't have enough time!". As if to cry out to God in so much pain.

Does everyone feel this way, when someone dies? We didn't have enough time with Layla, either. In the moments, it feels like everything is set. Like you've done & said everything you could say. Until the person is gone. Then all you ache for is more time.

A lot of people know Ecclesiastes 3, "A Time for Everything". When I was reading this passage again, I read The Message version instead of NIV. I like how it reads (notice a new word that was added). It's titled "There's A Right Time for Everything".

There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: 
 A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

There is a RIGHT time for everything. Have you read the rest of that chapter, or do you stop there? Here's some more through verse 15. 

9-13 But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I’ve had a good look at what God has given us to do—busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time—but he’s left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he’s coming or going. I’ve decided that there’s nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That’s it—eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It’s God’s gift.
14 I’ve also concluded that whatever God does, that’s the way it’s going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God’s done it and that’s it. That’s so we’ll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear.
15 Whatever was, is.
Whatever will be, is.
That’s how it always is with God.

So The Message Bible just lays it out there, doesn't it? "God's done it and that's it." The part that I like is the reason. " we'll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear." It's done. There's no reason to ask questions or wish it would have gone a different way. Whatever was, is. God made everything beautiful. Now it's time to quit wondering about things and worship God. Trust God that He, again, knows what He's doing. Everything in His RIGHT time.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

No News is Good News

Bryan really doesn't like that phrase. My family has always used it. If we're leaving, it's like an assumption that if you don't hear anything, everything's fine. According to Bryan, it really doesn't make sense. Anyway, I just wanted to write to say everything is going well so far. No news is good news.

We should have had our 10 week appointment today, but our Dr. was booked. We're having it next Wednesday. I'm glad we have them every two weeks because I'm getting ancy to see our baby & know that everything is still okay. One more week...

I've been feeling good, as long as I eat often. I'm very picky about what I eat. With Layla, I couldn't eat eggs. With Beanie I'm having a hard time with chicken. It's so weird, I love chicken but it doesn't even sound good to me. Cold cereal has been my friend. Kylie loves it too, so it works for an easy dinner when Bryan's not home.

Bryan's Starbucks has been under construction. Last week they worked out of a trailer. This week only the drive through is open. His hours have been really different, so it's been interesting for us. He's had to be gone by 6 some mornings which leaves me to get myself & Kylie ready for school. I know it's not that hard with one, but He usually does a lot for us. It's resulted in some not-so good hair days for me. But, it's been kind of nice to have him home at night. Kylie and I have our evening routine, so it's a little different, but nice.

Kylie will be 4 in a few weeks. We're starting to think about her party, but even more exciting is Adam & Staci's wedding! It' on the 20th. Kylie is going to be the flower girl & she is so thrilled! I think Bryan & I have been pretty lucky with Kylie. It hasn't been 'hard' to discipline her. No major issues or anything...until this week! It's like a switch flipped or something. She's been hitting, sticking her tongue out and just not listening. This has been a challenge for Bryan & I. We've had to get on the same page with how we discipline. I know we should have done this a couple years ago, but didn't have much reason to. I think we have a pretty good system down & are handling it well. It's definitely been a challenge. I'm glad we're dealing with it now instead of with a newborn. I do wonder if it has anything to do with my being pregnant. I guess there's no way to tell. It's probably just her personality shining through. Looking forward to the fantastic fours! :)

I know I mentioned before that Kylie was calling my belly Layla. We spent so much time talking about Layla while I was pregnant with her. We just had to prepare Kylie for what was happening. I wonder if she is worried about Beanie and doesn't know how to express it. There are a few or more times each week that she talks about Layla. It's pretty random, but her little brain must just remember different things. I dropped her off at school one day & she looked pretty sad. I asked her if she was happy & she told me she missed Layla. Or at dinner last night she got really quiet and said the same thing. But, that's all she usually says. Just that she misses Layla.

So last night, I asked Kylie if she would like to look at pictures after supper. I didn't want to do it if she didn't want to, but she did. We (Bryan too) sat on my bed with a photo album of Layla's pictures. Kylie had so much to say about each picture. We counted Layla's fingers and toes, and Kylie's too. She pointed out Layla's blanket and wanted to cuddle with it. The baby ring in a couple pictures, she said would fit Beanie when Beanie's born. She pointed out the pretty white dress that Layla wore and said "I hope we still have that dress. Can I see it?". So we took it out. I've always called it an angel dress. Which lead to me explaining that Layla is an angel up in heaven. That made Kylie pretty happy & she ran to her room saying "I have a book with angels in it!". She brought us "Heaven is for Real" and asked us to read it. There were many sweet comments that Kylie had during all of this. I truly treasured those moments with Kylie & Bryan. Just sitting & remembering & talking about Layla.

I kept myself from crying the whole time. I teared up a bit, but it reminded me of the feelings I had when Kylie came to visit us in the hospital. I had to be so strong. There were many times that she did see my cry, but that's okay. I just didn't want her visit to be a sad memory. I have video of the entire thing. I watched it once a while ago. I can't believe how I did that. It was only by His strength. There is a prayer at the end of the book that we prayed. Kylie continued the prayer. I've noticed that a lot of her feelings & thoughts come out in her prayers. It's like a peek into how she's feeling. She prayed that Layla is happy in heaven and continued "Please let us keep Beanie here so we can put her to bed and feed her and change her diaper and look at her belly button." (We saw a newborn a couple weeks ago & she noticed the belly button.)

I know she's only four so her thoughts aren't that advanced. What I do hear just makes me smile or tear up. There was one thing she did that reminded me of when I was pregnant with Layla. After we first bought Layla's pink blanket, in our apartment, Kylie laid it out on the floor and folded it like there was a baby in it. I have a video of her talking about 'Layla's blanket' and wrapping her up when she comes home. Last night, she did the same thing, It was almost identical to my memory/video. Last night she was quiet and just laid out the blanket, folded it up, and put it on her bed.

I can tell Layla's birthday is coming up & that I'm pregnant. I've been more emotional & crabby this week. I went on a field trip to the apple orchard this morning with Kylie & remembered I was pregnant last year when we went. It's another season, which brings back other memories of when I had Layla in my belly. It will be 10 months on Saturday.

This post got much longer than I anticipated, but I've been wanting to write for along time. As usual, prayers are appreciated for trust and comfort in God that Beanie will be healthy. Also, for our challenges with Kylie this week. We appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers for us. Stay tuned for a post next Wednesday after our appointment!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Beanie Beanie

I love hearing Kylie talk about Beanie. It's so cute and entertaining. She's so excited to have a little brother or sister and keeps reminding me that it's coming after Easter. I do think it's a little silly to call the baby Beanie, but that's what works. It nicer than saying 'it', since we don't know if Beanie's a boy or girl. Kylie is convinced that she will be the mom and I will be the helper. I'm sure she'll be a huge help at this age!

Our 8 week appointment was great. We love our Dr. and by now, she knows us pretty well. She spoke with Dr. Hayes (Layla's Dr.) after our last appointment. He recommended a nuchal translucency screening. It's done via ultrasound and doesn't give you a diagnosis, but assesses the risk of Down Syndrome and other abnormalities. Bryan and I both knew right away that this is not something we want to do. We genuinely see no purpose in knowing this stuff. As you all know from the past, the diagnosis or risk would not change how we proceed with the pregnancy. It pains me to know that some people would see the test results and terminate the pregnancy. Even just with a risk and no diagnosis. I don't know if this happens, but I'm sure it does or they wouldn't offer the test. It's similar to an amniocentesis, but can be done earlier in the pregnancy.

Anyway, we said no to any tests. We are going to treat this like a 'normal' pregnancy. The plan is still to have an appointment every 2/3 weeks with Dr. Winburn. She has a portable ultrasound machine that we'll use at each appointment to see the heartbeat and measure. After having appointments so often with Layla, I really don't mind going in so often. It's very reassuring for me after all we've gone through. We'll be seeing Dr. Hayes for our 16/18 week ultrasound. He will do all the fancy measurements. That will be our only meeting with him. Since everything will go great :) , we won't need to see him again.

So, we're all pretty relieved that the appointment went well. Looking forward to the next to see Beanie looking good.

**Also, I have to say, my best friend Crimson had her third little girl today, Sylvia. She was born this morning. Had a rough start, but is doing well now. Congrats, Crim!!! Love you.**

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Joyful News

Gruse baby #3 is due in April! We announced it to the Facebook world this morning and have known for a couple weeks. We had an ultrasound on the 29th of August (ironically Layla's 9 month bday). It was great to see the heartbeat. Bryan and I knew what it was as soon as we saw it on the screen. It brought us such joy. I'm a little scared or nervous or anxious, but full of faith and trust that God will carry us through and we'll get the all clear soon!

We have another ultrasound on the 12th. It sounds like we'll have appointments every two weeks for the first trimester. We'll probably meet with Dr. Hayes (Layla's Dr.) closer to the 18 week gender ultrasound. He'll do measurements and stuff like that. We don't plan on having any special tests done. To us, there's no reason to. It's hard to believe that we didn't learn about Layla's prognosis until 18 weeks! This is the earliest I've known that I'm pregnant. With the other girls I was further along when I realized it. I tried to make myself wait, but was too excited!

The only downfall to knowing this early, is that I'm so ready! I was ready 9 months ago after carrying Layla for 34 weeks. Now I have to wait another 34 weeks! I knew this would happen. I think I wrote about it before. God's timing is perfect. I'm just antsy! Kylie will be 4 & 1/2 by April. It'll be nice to have a spring baby. Kylie & Layla were born in the fall. My brain is ahead of my body. I'm literally ready to have a baby tomorrow. Praying for the timeline in my head to line up with my heart!

Kylie May is so sweet. Every night before bed, she always says her own prayer. Her prayer was especially cute the night we told her about the baby. "Please keep our baby healthy. And, Jesus? Can we keep this baby here this time?" I responded "That's a nice prayer." She interrupted, as if she heard him answer and said, "He said yes!!!!". So much excitement in her voice. She jumped out of bed to run and tell daddy that 'Jesus said the baby can stay here!'. It was so innocent and unprompted.

It's hard to realize that she was old enough to remember when I was pregnant with Layla. Because of that, she's already talking to my belly. Singing twinkle twinkle and saying good morning and good night. A few times, she's called the baby Layla. I have to remind her that Layla's in heaven. She keeps asking what the baby's name will be. Her suggestion was Johnny for a boy or a girl. Instead we thought we could call it 'baby bean'. Kylie quickly started calling it Beanie. So, that's what it'll be! I would rather that, than Layla or Johnny!

Needless to say, we're very happy. He's turned my mourning into dancing again. He's lifted my sorrow. I feel happy again. 

Thank you for all the congrats on Facebook! Thank you for your support and prayers through another pregnancy! We wouldn't be this strong without you.

Friday, August 31, 2012

High Five!

Phew! It's Friday. It was, as usual, a busy week! Kylie had her first day of school on Tuesday. She loved being back, but it's been a hard week. I didn't plan ahead to find people to watch her after school. One day she came to my work. Another day she went to my friend's house (who she didn't know). Bry was off Wednesday & grandma took her Thursday. I took this afternoon off to be home with her. She is so flexible & okay with anything, but it was hard for me. I want her to have some consistency & not be juggled around.

Thanks to Facebook, I found someone! She will be a great fit for us. We're so grateful to have found a Christian who will provide Kylie with some structure. She's even willing to pick her up from school & take her to dance. Praise the Lord!

Camp was perfect last weekend. It was great to have no responsibility. We went for a nice long walk in the woods, a few four wheeler rides, had a delicious camp breakfast and a b-day party for Jack!!

Here are some pics.

1. Kylie is girly girl most of the time. It's so fun to see her play with the boys.

2. I bought Kylie a new leotard and ballet shoes for dance. She's growing too fast & dances all over the house everyday.

3. Kylie on her first day!

4. I was wishing we were back at camp at the end of this week.

5. Kylie has been brushing her hair before school. She's pretty good at it.

Bry and I have my cousins wedding on Sunday in Milwaukee. We're spending the night & Kylie will be at grandmas. We're ready for a break. Enjoy your weekend!!

Friday, August 24, 2012

High Five! It's Friday!

Happy Friday! I'm off to work this morning & thought I would post a quick 'High Five'.

It's been a pretty uneventful week. That's the way it should be before school starts. The calm before the storm.

  1 - Last Saturday, I had a video job in Marshfield. Kylie spent the day with Sarah & the kids. I picked her up in time for supper. The kids are so good & cute!

2. Kylie has two fish at Bryan's parents, Dora & Diego. They've gotten so big! 
She loves them.

 3. On Wednesday night, Kylie & I ventured to the West Side. We went to Sammy's for pizza and Toys R Us for a bday present for Jack. 

4. We drove past Lambeau. I just have to say, it's pretty cool to live in Green Bay.

5. What could be better? We're going here tonight & tomorrow! It's Sarah's in-laws camp' in the middle of nowhere in MI. Can't wait! We went up there two years ago for Jack's birthday. We'll have a party for him tomorrow! I can't believe he's almost 5! (Bryan will be in Milwaukee with his brother for the weekend. Last time to hang out before he's married!)

Enjoy your weekend everyone! It's our last before school starts.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Family Fun Day!

I don't know about you, but I've missed my High Five for Friday posts! My last few have been less 'happy' and more thoughtful. So, I thought I'd make up for it today.

Yesterday was our 2nd Annual Family Fun Day (I just made that up)! We scheduled this a couple weeks ago to make sure we'd do it. Last year was Kylie's first year in school and we took her to get her haircut, Packer practice, and school shopping all on the same day. It was such a perfect day that we decided to do it again. Actually, we got a phone call from our geneticist that day last year about Layla. I remember sitting on the curb in the parking lot talking to her about the prognosis. It's always nice to have a new memory of a fun place like that!

We started the morning off with Starbucks for all of us and headed to Snips and Giggles for her haircut. She got 5 inches cut off! The best part about it, is that they do a super cute up-do after the haircut with sparkles and everything. From there, we went to Lambeau and took her to the Packer's experience. She was hesitant at first, but loved it after a couple tries. It's basically an inflatable playground for football fans. Jumping through tires, crawling through tubes, tackling packer players and climbing a rope wall. She even raced Bryan and won of course. It was harder than he thought it would be. They wrapped her wrist in green tape like the Packers and even got black stickers for under her eyes. After that we headed out to watch the players ride the kid's bikes to practice. We were early and waited for a while, until Kylie suggested that we go inside so she doesn't get sunburned. Silly/smart girl. So we took her into the atrium. She had never been in there and thought it was pretty cool. We had lunch at the Tailgate Zone concession stand. Hot dogs and cheese curds. Surprisingly pricy, but worth it!

Last, but certainly not least, we bought Kylie's school supplies. Who doesn't love a new box of crayons or #2 pencils? Funny fact - her school supplies cost less than lunch.

We had a blast! It's a super fun tradition that's perfect for our Packer loving family.

Here are some pics. I may have over done Instagram yesterday. Sorry, friends.
On Saturday, Kylie & I want to Staci's beautiful bridal shower. 
Kylie will be the flower girl in their wedding in October. (Bryan's brother, Adam's, wedding.)

Our morning in DePere. Walking with daddy by the water 
fountains and cutting her gorgeous hair!

We love the Packers! Her first stadium hot dog, climbing the rope 
wall at the experience and a family pic on the steps of Lambeau.

Thursday, August 09, 2012

One Year Ago - Gender Ultrasound

We planned a super cute baby gender reveal party for the coming weekend. Had the invitations out, decorations bought, food planned. It was going to be our first party at our place in Green Bay. Finally, a good reason to have friends over .

Our ultrasound was on Tuesday, August 9, 2011. We had an invitation for the ultrasound tech to write the gender on the back of and sneak it into an envelope. Only to be opened by the person making the blue or pink cake. The tech (ironically, someone Bryan went to school/church with) started the ultrasound. Looked for the gender while we weren't watching. She had to 'step out' for a bit. We didn't think anything of it. It started taking a while, and it finally dawned on us, that something may be wrong.

We opened the door, hoping they just forgot about us. Then our Dr. came in with the news. We were shocked. No tears while she told us all of the possible problems. We didn't even have questions. After she left, I balled. We went across the hall to the Dr. office. I must have looked awful! We were referred to the specialist and had an appointment with him the next day.

Bryan and I took two cars and both went our separate ways after the appointment to our jobs. I remember driving and calling mom. She was so excited and I said it went okay. Then cried and added that something was wrong with the baby. I worked part of the day. I remember Kylie's teachers came over to talk about school. I had just cancelled the gender party via Facebook. Saying "the baby didn't cooperate, so we didn't find out the gender". What else could I have said. Bryan worked until 10. My mom, Sarah, & Emily all came over after work. They brought me dinner and we sat around and discussed all of the potential problems. They said so many different things, we had no idea what it was. I didn't Google anything that day. I just waited until our appointment the next day.

It's crazy how many details I remember about that day and every day after that. You always think 'it won't happen to me'. Then, your world gets turned upside down and you're in the middle of it. I remember the state of shock. Not knowing what to do next. I feel like it lasted the rest of the pregnancy. I read my old posts and I don't believe myself. But, at the time, it was real. It's hard to explain.

Anyway, it's been a year since that day. When our perfectly planned life turned to chaos. Thankfully, God knows what He's doing. He carried us through that day and the many more challenging days following. What a journey He has taken us on.

With all that being said, I've had this blog for almost one year. It began as a way to update long distance family members. I think it's become much more than that for me. Thank you, for supporting us since that first post. Thank you for helping us make it through this past year.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Now, I See Her - Note from Bryan

A note from Bryan:

Nancy has talked about putting together a unique picture frame to hang on our wall. I thought it was a cute idea, but did not think to much of it. See, I only choose to remember a few "picture moments" from that time of our life. Not because I don't want to remember or because I am lazy; but because I want to remember them how I want. In my mind, I have both happy moments and sad moments. I remember our first "real" appointment. Or any of the times we met with Ted. I remember deciding as a family to have Layla "today". I remember the first second I saw our Layla, and I remember Nancy holding her for the first time. I remember everyone that is a part of our family in the room. I remember holding Kylie. I remember saying goodbye to Layla. I remember hugging Nancy and thinking; now what?

These are all the "picture moments" in my mind. No one can lose these, destroy them, comment on them, or "like" them. These are my moments.

I until now, maybe once have I opened iPhoto. Not for any reason. I told Nancy the night she completed and hung the frame, while laying in bed, "I always think of Layla, but now I see her".

I will always remember her; but now everyday...
I miss her, I love her, and I see her.

It's me again:

I don't know if the frame has anything to do with it, but Kylie has been talking about Layla a lot lately. I don't think Bryan and I have been saying anything more than usual about Layla. It seems like she's just getting older, and thinking of more questions. In the car with Bryan, she asked a few things.

"What kind of car seat did she have?"
"What was on her belly button?" "Did it hurt?"
"The doctors said she had to go to heaven."
"I want Layla to come home."

She was praying for our food at dinner a couple nights ago. In part of her prayer, she said "Thank you for making Layla." I know for her, it was a simple comment. Like, thank you for our food and mom and dad. For me, I think it's cool that she added 'making Layla'. It wasn't just a thank you for Layla. I just think that's cool. I hope she grows up knowing that Layla was made in God's perfect image. It's reassuring to know that we've handled this well with Kylie. I'm glad she feels comfortable talking about Layla and asking questions. I'm glad she remembers visiting Layla at the hospital. We drove by it the other day and she pointed it out that's where Layla was born. Last night, she said she missed Layla and wanted to cuddle with her blanket. It will always be a part of our life and Kylie's too.

Saturday, August 04, 2012

The Manly Man Experience

I attended my first Manly Man conference this weekend. That sounds weird. Mark Gungor started this a while ago. He has a heart for teaching men to be Manly Men and women to be Butt Kicking Women and has had these conferences for the last few years. I had the privilege of working this event. Needless to say, there weren't many women around. It was super crazy leading up to it, and now I can finally relax. Well, until church tomorrow morning.

The conference went really really well. I seriously love this job. I love feeling challenged. And pushing myself to do something I've never done...and pulling it off! (Well, I think I did!) It really feels good to accomplish something new. On to the next challenge - turning it into a product. Another thing I've never done before. But I'll figure it out with some help from the team. I'm so grateful that my boss allows me these opportunities to push myself into something I've never done. And backs me up with encouragement and guidance. I am truly blessed.

The crew I had was amazing. Thank you, guys! It takes a team of seven to pull off what we did. I appreciate your respect for me and help with setting shots. Thanks for being creative for me. Your service is such a blessing. I literally wouldn't be able to do my job without you! And like I always say, you make my job so much easier.

As you can tell, I've been around men all weekend. I didn't have anyone to share all my feelings with. So, that's what you get tonight. (hehehe)

On a serious note, the "One Year" of our grim reaper appointment is coming up. Time has gone by so fast.

I just finished up at work. Kylie's at my sisters for the weekend. We'll get her tomorrow after church. Enjoy your Sunday!

Friday, July 27, 2012

High Five for Friday!

The beginning of this week was pretty stressful for me at work. I've been feeling a little overwhelmed, but after Wednesday I got caught up. Thank goodness! Then, after my dream about Layla, I can't get her off my mind. I must just be going though another part of the 'process'. Eight months. I remember it like it was yesterday. The pain is still there. It's not a sharp pain. More of an ache and a yearning for those memories. She is in every one of my thoughts. Literally, always on my mind. No matter what I'm doing.

Let's just say, I'm glad it's Friday! I'm doing a wedding tomorrow for a co-worker/friend. Kylie is spending the day at my Aunt & Uncle's lake house with my sister's family. Crimson's coming on Sunday after church and I'm taking Monday off. We can't wait!

Here are my top 5!

1. Kylie and I went for a run on Saturday after her nap. We didn't realize it was so hot! After 25 min, we were just about home and saw the ice cream truck! Best. Reward. Ever.

2. I had to work on Tuesday, but Bryan sent me this pic as she was leaving for Milwaukee with Uncle Adam & Staci. It sounds like they had a great time. Bryan & I are grateful that Kylie is so flexible. I don't think she missed us at all.

3. We picked her up in Sheboygan. On the way home, we stopped for gas just before a terrible storm came through. We hung out in the car and waited for the storm to pass. It was fun to hear all about her trip while we watched the lightning. Another great family memory to put in the books.

4. Cookies from the hospital for breakfast on Thursday! (We got a cookie at all of Layla's appointments.)

5. My grandparent's were in Green Bay and stopped to visit last night. Before they came, Kylie wanted to put on a pretty dress & have her hair in a braid. Here, they're saying good-bye. I was so happy with Kylie. She was very sweet, cuddly, quiet and gentle. I love observing my grandparents. You can see that they cherish every moment. I want to be like that.

Happy Friday, everyone! If I could add another pic, it would be of my shirt today. It's raining & gloomy so I'm wearing a comfy long sleeve cream/navy blue striped shirt. So cozy. Enjoy your weekend!