Kylie May

Kylie May

Layla Faith

Layla Faith

Zoey Noelle

Zoey Noelle


Our baby boy, due March 16th.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

A Good Day

This week has been great. Last weekend had the pleasure of filming the beautiful wedding of Ashley Thomas. Since we were in Milwaukee, Adam & Staci watched Kylie for the day & we got to hang out with them on Sunday. Kylie & I were exhausted by the end of the weekend!

Today was Kylie's first day of school. She LOVED it!!! In fact, she cried when school was over, because she wanted to stay. (I don't think she missed us.) 

After school, she took at nap at Grandma Gruse's so Bryan & I could go to our appointment for Layla. I was nervous. It was hard to wait for the Dr. (and we got there early, which was worse). 

**Every time I have an apt, the nurse asks "Anything concerns or questions that the Dr. should know about?". Really? I have to answer that every time? It gets old/frustrating. I don't know if the Dr. knows the diagnosis or not. He came in talking about everything as if nothing was wrong. But, he did know. Maybe a lesson to be learned.**

We heard Layla's heartbeat!!! I didn't ask what it was, but I heard it. Loud & clear :)

He did say that I am bigger than I should be, but that it is probably extra fluid. In my head, that's not great. Extra fluid = more pressure = pre-term labor. BUT, I'm holding on to the fact that we got to hear Layla! She isn't even born yet and she makes me smile when I think of her. 

Here are a few pics from Kylie's first day at school!

Daddy & Kylie May

Mommy & Kylie May

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Hold on to Every Moment

I was going to wait to post again. I guess I'll just do it as I have time. Over the last couple days, I have just been feeling so blessed. I get this overwhelming feeling in precious moments that I just can't shake. (Most of them have made me tear up.)

 My favorites:

-In the car, the radio guy said something about a blood drive. Kylie said, "Mom, why did that man say blood drive." I explained that some people give blood for when people are sick. She said "Our baby is sick. You went to the Dr." I said, "Yes, Layla is still sick." Kylie responded with, "Aw, man. Again?" and as she rested her head on the back of her car seat, she sighed, "Oh, Layla".

-I will preface this by saying that due to Layla's size & short limbs, I have not been feeling her move. Last night, Bryan put his hand on my belly to say a prayer for Layla. The second he did, she started kicking & wiggling away. Throughout the prayer, she just kept moving. Best feeling in the world. Bryan could even feel it. He took his hand away, and she stopped. Already daddy's little girl.

-This morning, while we were all rushing and getting ready to head our separate ways, "Blessings" (the song I quoted in my last post) started to play. Kylie stopped in her tracks & started dancing. So free, without a care in world. Dancing around the living room with her arms spread wide. Sporadically yelling for me & Bryan to watch her do a leap. We both just stood, listening to the song, watching our perfect little girl dance around.

The Lord is in the rain.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Blessings Through Raindrops

Bryan and I moved to Stevens point in the fall of 2003. Even before we dated or married, we made several trips 'home' to Green Bay over the years. Every single time we drove back to Stevens Point, it rained. I cannot remember one time, when it did not rain, drizzle, pour, snow, sleet or something on the drive back to Point. We would even have conversations in the car about what it might 'mean'. 

I am an optomist. I looked at it as refreshing. Going back to work or "the real world" after being on vacation in Green Bay. A new beginning almost. I won't speak for Bryan. I honestly don't remember what he thought of it. He's not a negative person, but he worries more about everything. Can you blame him, with all he's been through? 

So, why am I telling you this? Because, I've come to realize that blessings can come through raindrops. Yes, I stole the idea from this song. But, it is ringing so true in my life right now. (Even more beautiful when it's sung.)

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
"Blessings" by Laura Story

Our world has been turned upside down in the last two weeks. We had our 18 week ultrasound, two weeks ago, to find out the gender. They found abnormalities, and a few things to be concerned about. Never something you want to hear. Long story, very short, we had an appointment with a specialist the next day. We found out a lot about the baby, but nothing definite. They did many tests for everything. All of the tests came back negative. 

Through those two weeks, we had more than enough things to think about. We found out it's a girl. Her name is Layla Faith. Also, the Dr. kept telling us that termination of the pregnancy is an option. Not for us. Layla is a baby, no matter what science may say. God created her in His perfect image. She is perfect to Him. 

Fast forward to yesterday. Our 20 week appointment with a different specialist. They did an ultrasound again & then we met with the Dr. I'll steal a friend's words & say it was a grim reaper meeting. Nothing positive. He gave us a diagnosis, but nothing that can be proven by a test. It is what will have to do for now. 

Layla's arms and legs are short. That is not life threatening. She can live with that. However, her chest cavity is too small. Her heart is smooshed and there is not enough room for her lungs to grow. There is fluid that can't cycle through because everything is so crammed, which is causing swelling around her head. 

One third of the babies, with this diagnosis, heart's stop beating in the womb. One third are delivered pre-term. One third are born, and live for one hour, at the most. This is what we were told. I will go in every week, to listen to the heartbeat, to make sure Layla's heart is still beating. I will go in every 3 weeks to have an ultrasound with the specialist. At 26 weeks, we will have an appointment with the Neonatal Unit, to discuss our birth plan. 

None of this sounds fun to me. BUT, I'm keeping my head up. I'm not going to let this get me down. I have to have faith that things can change. Bad circumstances are an opportunity for God to do miracles. The pastor at our church has been doing a series on Faith. Well, I have to hear it about 10 times for my job. I don't think that's a coincidence. Hope is tomorrow. Faith is today. 

I don't think I can say this enough. THANK YOU! We have received so much support in prayer and encouraging notes on Facebook. It means a lot to us, to know that you are thinking of us and praying for us & Layla. 

Prayer requests:
-Layla's chest cavity to grow
-My brain to shut off so I can sleep (why can't women have a nothing box? not fair)
-Positive thinking, having faith

I know this is crazy long. Sorry. This whole blog will not just be about Layla. It will help with communicating the same thing to everyone, but I will also post about the rest of our life too :)

P.S. This gives us a whole new perspective. We are so blessed to have Kylie May. It's been easy to spoil her & hard to discipline her lately.