Kylie May

Kylie May

Layla Faith

Layla Faith

Zoey Noelle

Zoey Noelle


Our baby boy, due March 16th.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Now, I See Her - Note from Bryan

A note from Bryan:

Nancy has talked about putting together a unique picture frame to hang on our wall. I thought it was a cute idea, but did not think to much of it. See, I only choose to remember a few "picture moments" from that time of our life. Not because I don't want to remember or because I am lazy; but because I want to remember them how I want. In my mind, I have both happy moments and sad moments. I remember our first "real" appointment. Or any of the times we met with Ted. I remember deciding as a family to have Layla "today". I remember the first second I saw our Layla, and I remember Nancy holding her for the first time. I remember everyone that is a part of our family in the room. I remember holding Kylie. I remember saying goodbye to Layla. I remember hugging Nancy and thinking; now what?

These are all the "picture moments" in my mind. No one can lose these, destroy them, comment on them, or "like" them. These are my moments.

I until now, maybe once have I opened iPhoto. Not for any reason. I told Nancy the night she completed and hung the frame, while laying in bed, "I always think of Layla, but now I see her".

I will always remember her; but now everyday...
I miss her, I love her, and I see her.

It's me again:

I don't know if the frame has anything to do with it, but Kylie has been talking about Layla a lot lately. I don't think Bryan and I have been saying anything more than usual about Layla. It seems like she's just getting older, and thinking of more questions. In the car with Bryan, she asked a few things.

"What kind of car seat did she have?"
"What was on her belly button?" "Did it hurt?"
"The doctors said she had to go to heaven."
"I want Layla to come home."

She was praying for our food at dinner a couple nights ago. In part of her prayer, she said "Thank you for making Layla." I know for her, it was a simple comment. Like, thank you for our food and mom and dad. For me, I think it's cool that she added 'making Layla'. It wasn't just a thank you for Layla. I just think that's cool. I hope she grows up knowing that Layla was made in God's perfect image. It's reassuring to know that we've handled this well with Kylie. I'm glad she feels comfortable talking about Layla and asking questions. I'm glad she remembers visiting Layla at the hospital. We drove by it the other day and she pointed it out that's where Layla was born. Last night, she said she missed Layla and wanted to cuddle with her blanket. It will always be a part of our life and Kylie's too.

1 comment:

NanaDiana said...

There are so many of those heart rending moments as you heal. Our little SweetCheeks who was born AFTER
AnnaBella has lots of questions about her. When she was 2 and 3 she would often "talk to her"...and say that she was a Heaven baby. It is amazing the capacity those little ones have to love-and understand what is way beyond their understanding level. Hugs- Diana