Moving Forward with Intention

I've been feeling restless. Eager to do more. To excel. To prove my worth. I've applied for jobs, thought of having a baby, painting my living room, a dog & most seriously starting school.

What is it that I'm missing? Why am I searching for a distraction? I need something to occupy my mind. Will I always feel this void?

Don't get me wrong. I love my family. I love my job. I'm happy. I'm content.

Maybe this is my midlife crisis. I'm almost 30. There's gotta be something more. I feel the need to contribute in a way. To something bigger than me.

Why suddenly? Probably because things have slowed down enough to allow me time to think. It's easy to be "too busy" to think/plan/execute for your own life. Much easier to do it for big projects at work. But when that's over or the job & daily grind is stripped away, what's left?

Part of me thinks I'll always feel this way. There is something...someone missing. Layla's 3rd birthday came & went (with no blog post). We had a family celebration & of course celebrated her life. But the ripple from her 3rd birthday continues in my desire to use her story, my story, for something bigger. Bigger than me.

So, a toast. A toast to becoming more. Not different. Or someone else. Just living to the fullest. Really living a raw, honest, real life. Humble and vulnerable. Brave & courageous. Not looking back at mistakes I've made or things I could have done better. Moving forward. With intention. Discovering my purpose and the reason for my story. Using the storm to show others that there is a rainbow somewhere.

"We want something more. We hope there is more. But we are all afraid that hope is selfish. But what if. What if the things you love to do collided with the plans GOD had laid out from before the foundations of earth."- Jennie Allen, author of Restless