Kylie May

Kylie May

Layla Faith

Layla Faith

Zoey Noelle

Zoey Noelle

Boyee

Boyee
Our baby boy, due March 16th.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I Had A Baby

The age of a baby. It's probably the most common question that people ask you as a mom, "How old is he/she?". Have you noticed that it gradually changes from hours to weeks to months to years? I had a baby four weeks ago today. I'm still in the 'week' stages. Soon, I'm sure I'll move on to months and eventually years.

I want people to know I just had a baby. Like the lady who did my nails or the bank teller or cashier at the grocery store. I want to have my tiny 4 week old with me and get the "awwww, how old is she?" question. Not just that, but I feel like I need to explain why I'm still wearing maternity clothes or why I try not to pick up heavy things. Oh well. I want to show off my Layla!

The only thing that does that for me, or opens up the conversation to talk about her is this necklace. 


I've worn it everyday since I picked it up. We had Layla cremated and a small amount of her ashes are in this heart necklace. My favorite things about it:

- it's close to my heart
- it gets warm. I know it sounds silly, but I remember holding Layla and thinking how warm she was. I touch this necklace throughout the day when I think of her, and it's warm.
- Kylie knows it's 'from Layla'. She woke up the other night and came to cuddle with me on the couch. With her eyes closed, she reached for my necklace and held onto it as she fell asleep. I know she probably doesn't really get it, but it made me happy.

I always miss Layla, but I thought of her a lot this weekend. It was Christmas, after all. On Christmas Eve, I just kept thinking of wanting her with us. Sitting around the tree opening presents. I wanted her in my arms. I wanted her to get passed around or interrupt me to eat. I almost felt like it was boring without her. I think moms can relate to what I mean. It takes time to be ready for another baby, and I was ready. So, as I've said before, I guess I'm kind of ancy for that. In due time.

2 comments:

Keri Kitchen said...

It's a beautiful necklace! I understand how important it is to have something tangible. I often wear the angel pin I wore to Carys' funeral, and always wear one of the anencephaly awareness bracelets we had made. I welcome any opportunity to talk about my baby girl!

Marissa's Blog said...

I love that Kylie held the necklace while she fell asleep...so sweet. Thank you for writing!