Another Missed Milestone

It's been six months since Layla Faith was born. I can't help but think of how cute she would be. Rolling over, sitting up, and smiling with her perfect lips. (I always thought they looked like Kylie's.) I'm sad that she's not here with us. Our family would be so different with her here. And it is different because she was here. I don't need to write about that. This entire blog is about how she has changed our faith, family, relationships, etc.

I'll give you a little insight to my world. I rented We Bought A Zoo the other night. Kylie was sleeping on my lap & Bryan was at work. I cried through the whole thing. If you've ever had to grieve the loss of a very close loved one, you'll know what I mean. The way the main character (Matt Damon) felt & the things he did were almost exactly how I feel. The fear of forgetting her. Sitting down to look at pictures of her. Holding on to the blankie she was wrapped in. Smiling because of her memories. Reliving the moments. Telling the stories. Thinking that a new place would help me move on. A new adventure, a renewed purpose would pass the time & consume my thoughts. I don't want to forget her, but I feel like I need to move forward.

Her footprints remind me that she was really here. With ten fingers & ten toes. Tiny arms & legs. A cute little face & lots of hair. Did I ever say we cut a piece of her hair? We saved it in a Ziploc bag with her things. A pink bag sits on top of our dresser with her belongings. Someday I'll go through it and decide how save it. I have an awesome frame that I'm going to use for her pictures. It's something I want done so badly, but it's something that will take me a while to figure out. Trying to pick out pictures and make the perfect collage.

I told Kylie it's Layla's 6 month birthday this morning. She asked if she could go to her party. So innocent. We both wore our Layla necklaces today.

Six months have passed. In some ways it feels so recent. I remember many details from that Tuesday. Two of the silliest things always come to mind. Things that don't matter at all! 1.) I didn't like what Kylie was wearing to school. I remember Bryan telling me, "It's just for school. Who cares? Let her wear it." Funny that it was one of the most important days in our life. She was wearing that in the only pictures with her little sister. 2.) My mom got me a cookie to eat before my 9am appointment. I loved the cookies from the cafeteria and got one at every appointment. That cookie was the reason we waited until 4 to have Layla. We had to answer the "When is the last time you ate?" question a lot that day. We answered with a little chuckle each time. "A cookie at 9."

It's funny that I remember those little details. Things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Look at everything else that happened that day. Our life was changed.