The Anticipation...

I've read online - "Surviving the Holidays", "Making it Through the Milestones", "What it's Like: 1 Year After". Some of them have helped. They are nice articles. Real advice from other moms like me. They say, "The anticipation leading up to the day is usually more emotional than the day itself". Layla's first birthday is on Thursday. Right now, I'm feeling okay. I've been busy. However, I am looking forward to spending the day with Bryan & Kylie. Taking some time to celebrate & remember Layla. I 'feel' okay, but I know I just haven't thought about it much. I haven't been sleeping good this week. Feeling sick or just waking up for no reason.

Anyway, her birthday is in two days. I'm ready for a little party with Kylie & Bryan for her that day. How cute she would be as a little one year old smashing cake?!

I keep that note & Layla's ribbon at my office desk. 

I've been wearing my Layla necklace everyday this week.

I have been thinking of each of you a lot these past couple days and how much you did for us before, during, and after Layla's birth. I remember so many of the little and big things that were done for us. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much each thing meant to us and how it still makes us smile to know that you support us still. Thank you.

Thanks Be To God

It's crazy. Just when you think you have everything figured out. Planned just the way it should be, God changes things. Not that it's a big deal, but on Monday my key got stuck in the van. It wouldn't turn. There was much juggling going around the next day or so. We went to my parents to pick up their car to borrow. It all worked out. We got it fixed for less than $100 and can pick it up tomorrow.  But, it was annoying. It's always something going on.

Also, on Tuesday Kylie was jumping on the trampoline at a friend's house & hurt her ankle. We took her in this morning and it's not broken. That's good! She's slowly starting to walk on it and feel better. She was pretty bummed the first 24 hours or so. We spoiled her pretty good with a Strawberry Shortcake DVD. I'm sure tomorrow will help keep her mind off of it with her cousins to play with.

I was just thinking after our appointment about how great I was starting to feel. I can breathe again. I just feel like we get that little glimpse of 'easy' and then something else is thrown in to mess it up. I know it's all God's plan and timing. I need to go back and read some of my posts! He knows what He's doing!

It's the busiest season of the year for me at work with tons of productions. Bryan's busy at Starbucks, because don't we all get more Starbucks at Christmas time? Kylie's busy with a Christmas dance recital and a school production. I threw in a couple weddings to the busy season. One in November & two in December! Then, I am super excited to be doing a wedding show in January at Shopko Hall. I'm trying to get ready for that.

Anyway - we also put an offer in on a house. We just saw this house in our neighborhood pop up online in our price range (which is not common in our neighborhood). It is a short sale and needs new carpet/paint. Otherwise it looks great. The offer was accepted by the seller, but now the bank has 90 days to accept. After that, we'll have an inspection & close hopefully in February/March. That sounds so far away! The timing works to our advantage since our lease is up in February. But it is a lot of waiting and not knowing what to expect. I guess we're good at that? I know we're crazy. We haven't done anything the 'traditional' way (didn't graduate college, were engaged for 4 months, left a house in Stevens Point to move to Green Bay without jobs, now trying to buy a house). I wouldn't change a thing. I know it's all risky, but it forces us to put our trust in God. He will provide and guide our steps. If this house works, that's awesome! If it doesn't, oh well. Our only hiccup is that we haven't been saving for a house because we weren't planning on buying one until we sell our house in Point. That's not happening soon, so we thought we'd go for it here. We just need to come up with the down payment. Pinching pennies and selling things we don't use. Then the van broke. But again, it will all work out!

I'm rambling now. Be thankful this year. I know everyone is doing the 'I'm thankful for..." Facebook posts and stuff. I think it's cool to list everything off. There is so much. It's fun to share with other people what you're thankful for, but really it's all thanks to God. He is our provider. I am thankful that I can trust in God for all of the big & little things.

With all of that being said, thanks be to God! Have a great Thanksgiving with the people you are so thankful for!

Lord, so often times, as any other day
When we sit down to our meal and pray
We hurry along and make fast the blessing
Thanks, amen. Now please pass the dressing
We’re slaves to the olfactory overload
We must rush our prayer before the food gets cold
But Lord, I’d like to take a few minute more
To really give thanks to what I’m thankful for
For my family, my health, a nice soft bed
My friends, my freedom, a roof over my head
I’m thankful right now to be surrounded by those
Whose lives touch me more than they’ll ever possibly know
Thankful Lord, that You’ve blessed me beyond measure
Thankful that in my heart lives life’s greatest treasure
That You, dear Jesus, reside in that place
And I’m ever so grateful for Your unending grace
So please, heavenly Father, bless this food You’ve provided
And bless each and every person invited


Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/10-great-thanksgiving-prayers/#ixzz2Ctkyn6X7

Lord, so often times, as any other day
When we sit down to our meal and pray
We hurry along and make fast the blessing
Thanks, amen. Now please pass the dressing
We’re slaves to the olfactory overload
We must rush our prayer before the food gets cold
But Lord, I’d like to take a few minute more
To really give thanks to what I’m thankful for
For my family, my health, a nice soft bed
My friends, my freedom, a roof over my head
I’m thankful right now to be surrounded by those
Whose lives touch me more than they’ll ever possibly know
Thankful Lord, that You’ve blessed me beyond measure
Thankful that in my heart lives life’s greatest treasure
That You, dear Jesus, reside in that place
And I’m ever so grateful for Your unending grace
So please, heavenly Father, bless this food You’ve provided
And bless each and every person invited
Amen!
-Scott Wesemann


Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/10-great-thanksgiving-prayers/#ixzz2Ctkk9cfK

Lord, so often times, as any other day
When we sit down to our meal and pray
We hurry along and make fast the blessing
Thanks, amen. Now please pass the dressing
We’re slaves to the olfactory overload
We must rush our prayer before the food gets cold
But Lord, I’d like to take a few minute more
To really give thanks to what I’m thankful for
For my family, my health, a nice soft bed
My friends, my freedom, a roof over my head
I’m thankful right now to be surrounded by those
Whose lives touch me more than they’ll ever possibly know
Thankful Lord, that You’ve blessed me beyond measure
Thankful that in my heart lives life’s greatest treasure
That You, dear Jesus, reside in that place
And I’m ever so grateful for Your unending grace
So please, heavenly Father, bless this food You’ve provided
And bless each and every person invited
Amen!
-Scott Wesemann


Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/10-great-thanksgiving-prayers/#ixzz2Ctkk9cfK

Beanie Is A Girl!!

We're having a baby! Look at how great she looks! Long spine & legs that could actually be measured! Everything measured exactly as it should. 17 weeks and 5 days. She was moving around like crazy yesterday. Even though she was moving, she was very cooperative for the ultrasound tech. We just couldn't get a great pic of her face. They did all the measurements and looked at her heart. Every little thing we saw was a relief. What a weight off our shoulders. It felt so good to see her. And now, call Beanie a 'her'. 

I'll write more later. Back to work. Thanks again for your prayers. God is so good!

Kylie & Her Siblings

Kylie is such a huge blessing in our life. The love for a child is indescribable sometimes. They offer such an innocence and so many moments of pure joy. This post is really just to share a couple things that Kylie has said about her siblings in the past couple weeks. To this day, I am glad that we allowed her to meet Layla and that we always tried to keep her in the loop.

The other night before bed, Kylie was relaxing in the living room. She grabbed her notebook and a pencil & began writing and drawing. The picture was a couple stick people. There were a lot of letters and I asked her what it said. She had just finished giving me a massage on my legs and brushing my hair. The notebook read, according to Kylie, "Thank you for massaging my legs and brushing my hair. Please help Layla have a good day up in heaven and I hope she paints a sunset. And for Beanie, Daddy, and Mommy. Amen."

It seems like Layla is always on her mind. Some days more than others. Layla is definitely not forgotten in our house. On our way home from the babysitters one night, Kylie asked if she could sit between mom and dad at supper. I said of course. She continued to count, "Mom and dad and Kylie is three. Mom, Dad, Kylie, Layla and Beanie is one, two, three, four, five. That's all of us!"

Again, I'm just so happy that she remembers. I'm proud of how we've handled everything. On Sunday at lunch with some friends, she quietly said, "Where's Layla?". I whispered in her ear, "She's in heaven, remember?". Her response was the typical girly, "Oh...yeah. I knew that."

Every morning and every night she talks to Beanie (my belly). Last night Kylie was telling Beanie all about tomorrow. "We're going to figure our if you're a boy or a girl. And take you a picture and um...uh...and figure out if you can come home... with us...all day...love you Beanie"

I was shocked at that conversation. Tomorrow is the big day!  Kylie was right. We'll find out the gender and that Beanie will be coming home with us in April. That's what we're believing. We can't wait. I'm so glad it's at 9 in the morning!

On a side note, we found a house that's perfect. Great location, great price, great timing. But, we'll see what happens. It's a short sale. So, it's all up in the air. Bryan and I aren't are trying not to get attached and excited. Just because there are a lot of steps to the process. It could last another day or a couple months. We'd appreciate some prayers to know if it's the right thing to move forward with. Either way, it's okay. We have a place to live, but it would be awesome to find a permanent home.

Thanks again for your prayers & support for tomorrow. I'm not nervous, yet. I'm just really excited and anxious to see Beanie. So the ultrasound is at 9. The meeting with Dr. Hayes (Layla's Dr.) is at 10. Our appointment with our normal Dr. is at 11. Bryan was wishing we could just hear how Beanie looks during the ultrasound, but they're not allowed to say anything. I'm hoping we have the sweet lady that we had for Layla all the time. She'll point out the things we want to see.

Okay! Until Friday, probably. (Since we're telling family on Thursday night.)

My co-worker made this awesome sign that I have hanging up behind my desk at work. We've been counting down for 4 weeks! It went pretty fast!

Kylie May, age 4, modeling a Disney jacket -Target, yellow skinny jeans -Old Navy, and pink sparkly Toms (not shown). I'm turning it in to a fashion blog. j/k.

Happy 100th Post!

I was about to post a little update from our appointment yesterday, until I realized it would be my 100th. So I made myself wait so it could be a good one. :)

I'll go backwards because that's how I remember things! My 16 week appointment was yesterday. It was another easy, good appointment. It's getting very close to Layla's birthday. I can feel myself becoming even more emotional, vulnerable, closer to tears with certain topics. Similar to how I felt a few months after Layla was born. I'm sure this is all just part of the process again. Being pregnant adds another level to it, I think.

 At our appointment I mentioned a few little things I'm feeling. Normal pregnancy things, back aches, growing body parts. It was very interesting when my Dr. asked if I noticed those things with Layla. To be honest, I didn't. I was physically comfortable throughout my pregnancy with Layla. Aside from sleeping bad (uncomfortable, crying or couldn't shut my brain off) I felt good physically. My Dr.'s response was 'maybe it's a good sign that you're uncomfortable". I'd have to agree. I don't mind having felt sick in the first couple months, or being uncomfortable now. If you want something bad enough, the physical discomfort doesn't bother you. In fact, I know this will change, but I don't think my baby's crying will get old. I can't wait. I will feel grateful every time I see my baby. I think my perspective is just going to be different. We'll see!

Our big ultrasound is next week Thursday! I keep calling it 'our big ultrasound'. Only because it's with Dr. Hayes. He'll do measurements & look closely at everything. Bryan and I will find out if it's a boy or girl! I am very very very anxious. I don't think I'm scared. I'm sure I will get a little more worried as the appointment approaches & I walk into that office again. I can't wait to see an ultrasound of a healthy baby. I have images of Layla's ultrasounds in my head. They are not bad and I love her little body. However, on the ultrasounds, everyone could see that she looked different. I want to see a 3D picture of this baby without swelling around it's head. Or short arms and legs. Or an inflamed umbilical cord. Or numbers that are weeks off of where they should be. I remember the best part of every ultrasound was seeing Layla's heart beating. Just knowing that it would beat longer in me than in the world. That we wouldn't hear or feel it much. We savored those moments. Thanks to a friend who went through the same situation, we have videos of her heartbeat. It's so lovely.

We'll be having a big family dinner on Thursday night after the ultrasound to tell them if it's a boy or girl. I'm sure we'll share it on the blog/Facebook shortly after. Thanks for your prayers in advance for our ultrasound & peace of mind before & during it.

Enough about Beanie! Kylie is so cute. She is going to be such a good big sister. Just like with Layla, she talks to Beanie every morning & night. When she says "Love you mom!", she adds "Love Beanie too!". The other day she informed Bryan and I that she will be calling Beanie, Beanie, after it's born. If it's a boy or girl. She likes Beanie. So it sounds like that might stick.

Two weekends ago, we had Kylie's Lorax party. It was perfect! She loved having her friends and cousins over to play and eat cake. I'll post some pics of everything at the end of this post. My friend Crimson, who has 3 little girls, was here for the whole weekend. It was so much fun. A little crazy, but a lot of fun. The weekend before that was Adam & Staci's wedding. The fun doesn't stop for our house!

 This weekend, Sarah & the boys are coming to hang out. We have a big church event on Sunday. All of our campuses (5) are getting together for one big 10:30 service at the Weidner Center in Green Bay. It's always tons of fun to have everyone together. Crim & the family will be in town, so I'm hoping we can do lunch. I have to work all morning. If you're interested in seeing what I do, watch the service live online! We usually broadcast from our East Green Bay campus, but decided to bring a couple cameras to the Weidner to still air it online. Check it out live.celebrationchurch.tv. Sunday morning at 10:30.

Next weekend, my cousin is getting married in Minnesota. My sister and I are using it as a reason to get away! We'll go together on Saturday/Sunday. No kids or hubby's. The following weekend is Thanksgiving, then Layla's birthday, another wedding, Kylie's Christmas dance recital, another wedding, another of Kylie's Christmas shows, and then the new year!!! Where has this year gone? The next couple months will fly by. Come January when things slow down, I'll have to prepare for Beanie! I love this season. I don't mind that it's crazy. I kind of like it. :) Here are some pics! Enjoy.

The Wedding

1)Family pic before rehearsal 2)Kylie getting her make up done for the wedding 3)Showing her handsome daddy her hair 4)She thought Staci was so beautiful! 5)Pics outside before the ceremony. 

 

1)A pink rose in memory of Layla in Staci's boquet 2)Kylie, walking down the isle 3)The bride & groom 4)Me & Kylie after the ceremony. I was so proud of her!

 1)Walking out with Daddy 2)The kiddie cocktail we promised her 3)Dancing with daddy 4)Walking upstairs with daddy (she got really good at holding her dress up)

Kylie's Birthday

 1)Lorax tree decorations 2)Mustaches for the guests 3)Fruit kabobs 4)Goldfish, marshmallows, teddy grahams 5)Orange punch

 1) Her guests with their mustaches 2)Sylvia 3)Ben 4)The princesses

Girls Day Out

 1)Shopping 2)Olive Garden lunch 3)Getting their nails painted 4)Group pic

 1)Getting her hair washed 2)Cutting 3)Love the cut! 4) Happy to have twists & sparkles

Halloween

 1)Lucky girls got to wear their halloween costumes to dance class 2)Painting a pumpkin for school 3)Trick or treating 4)Pic with mom 5)All done trick or treating