Google = Death

Ok friends. I’m back. With a long post. Bear with me.

Thanks for reading my last post and for all the prayers. Thursday was a rough day and we were feeling it. I gave myself a solid 24 hours to be confused, disappointed and worried. Surprisingly, I didn’t totally lose it and I genuinely think it was because we were so covered in prayer. Thank you for that. I was feeling comforted by everyone's prayers; I didn’t know what to pray. The emails, text messages, Facebook messages. I reread many of them just feeling your encouragement.

With that being said, I must admit that the struggle is real, but so is GOD. My goodness. The other night, I was home alone and the kids were in bed. I just sat on my phone googling the heck out of everything. You guys, the Dr. even told me not to google stuff. I know better. After looking up a couple medical sites, I forced myself to open my Bible app. I found a devotional and the scriptures were so fitting. I intentionally thought good things and made myself think about God’s promises.

Why is it so stinking hard, though? I literally said to myself out loud, "stop googling!". I was talking to a friend on Sunday and came to an interesting realization about why I was online. I was searching for the outcome. I was trying to read to find out what would happen. I wanted an answer. Something concrete. So that I would know what’s going to happen and be prepared. But, that’s not what you find when you google polyhydramnios or hydronephrosis or achondrogenesis (they even sound bad).

(For my newer friends who don’t know our history. In 2011, we had a little girl who passed away after we had her at 34 weeks. At our 16 week ultrasound we found out that she had a lethal skeletal dysplasia. Every week we had an apt to make sure her heart was still beating. We were blessed to carry her to 34 weeks, much further than the doctors expected. You can read her birth story here or the beginning of our story here.)

Anyway, I wanted to write again to let you all know that we’re ok. Since Thursday I have talked to the nurses with all my questions. I have a better understanding of where we are at with the pregnancy. The normal range for amniotic fluid is up to 8.4. I’m at 9.5 (mild), 10 (moderate) and 20 (severe). Please pray that it stays in the mild range and that we don’t even have to think about the rest! Also, I’m very paranoid about how often the baby is moving. I do my kick counts a couple times/day as instructed. I could use prayers to keep my thoughts focused on the good things. Not the ‘what ifs’.

I feel like I have been through this scenario already. The waiting week to week game to make sure the baby is ok. I need to realize that this baby is different. It’s not the same as Layla. However, I know the trick to getting through this.

Be intentional.

Sounds easy, right? When I was sitting on the couch, looking things up on my phone. I had to intentionally stop and focus on God. When I start thinking about all of the what if’s, I need to be intentional and think about God’s promises.

Pastor Mark talked about this on Sunday. Did you know there is no neutral? If you’re not intentional about what you think about and what you’re filling your head with, the default is not neutral. The default is bad. Good = life. Bad = death. Google = Death.

“The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:6

I prefer the second one. Life and peace.

That's the update for now. We have appointments on Wednesday and Thursday morning this week. I'm sure I will be posting updates. I appreciate every single prayer and message. Thank you for walking this road with us. You are our support system and hold us up when we don't feel like we can stand.