Daily Layla Talk

While I understand that this may not be that impacting or exciting for ya'll, I wanted to get it all written in one place. I have notes of little things all over that I don't want to forget :) Plus they're all really cute and conversations that make my heart warm.

Layla was everywhere during the move. It was difficult. I am getting stronger as time goes on. I feel like I have more control over my emotions. Moving all of her things. Tons of cards, notes from Dr. appointments, her gender party invitation. Finding a "Layla Ribbon" here or there. While we were moving, Kylie found the boppy that I used for her and asked if it was for baby Layla.

Kylie knows that Layla is in heaven, but she forgets. When she asks, I say "Layla is in heaven with Jesus.". Her response is always, "I know that.".  I love when Kylie talks about Layla. It's so sweet and often times, she brings it up on her own.

A lot of our talks are as she's falling asleep at night. She asks if there are any monsters or bad guys. My answer is always no, because Layla is an angel and is watching over us. One night she asked where Layla is and how she got there. Not quite sure how to answer some of her questions. This was our conversation before bed the other night.

Kylie: I miss Layla.

Mom: I know. Me too. 

Kylie: Is she going to stay in heaven for a long long time?

Mom: Yeah.

Kylie: Why? I want her to come back. 

Mom: I know. Me too. You can dream about her tonight. 

That one made me tear up, as many do. There was so much meaning in the way she said it. She started crying as she asked why. I gently ignored that part when I responded.

Kylie needs to fill out a worksheet for school about herself. "My family members are ________." I don't want to push it so I didn't say anything. We filled it out today and I anxiously waited for her answer. "Mommy, daddy and Layla!". I was thrilled. Most times that Kylie talks about her, except at night, there is so much excitement in her voice.

A couple hours later we had another talk about her. Kylie brought it up in the car.

Kylie: Is Layla coming home? Is your baby a girl or a boy?
Mom: Layla's not coming home. She's in heaven with Jesus. Is what baby a boy or girl?
Kylie: Layla.
Mom: Lalyla's a girl. 
Kylie: She's my sister. And Auntie Sarah's baby is Ben. He's my brother. I have a brother and a sister. Ben and Layla are twins!

Again. Not quite sure how much I should try to explain to her! I remember painting Kylie's nails before Layla was born. I let her pick out a color and she picked blue because according to Kylie, it's Layla's favorite color. A few days ago we were at my desk at work. Kylie grabbed the bright blue pen and was so excited. She said, "Mom, it's Layla's favorite color! How do you spell Layla?". She continued to draw an 'L' over and over in blue ink.

Like I said in my last post, I don't talk about Layla much. There isn't anything to say anymore. No updates on appointments or questions about how I'm doing. It's okay. I don't mind. But sometimes I want to talk about her but I don't know what to say. I am always thinking about her.

Thanks for reading a little piece about my days. We're so blessed with Kylie, great friends and family. Ps. I love hearing that some of you think of Layla often. I know she came to earth for a reason.