"Very Good, Actually"

Music to my ears this morning! We had our 31 week ultrasound with the specialist today.

It was a very long ultrasound for some reason. I was immediately relieved when afterwards we went into the room with the table instead of the couch. (That's usually a good sign.) The Dr. came in and said the baby looks great! He passed his ultrasound with flying colors. There's still a little extra fluid but it's still mild.

*Please note - our specialist does not show emotion. He's a very nice guy we've come to know pretty well.* 

He asked if I had any questions, and I replied, "Nope, as long as everything is good..." He interrupted, "very good, actually" with a smile!

That's huge people. How awesome! We're so very pleased and continuing to trust God with this little boy. Thanks for all your prayers. God is good!

Here is our latest picture.

Google = Death

Ok friends. I’m back. With a long post. Bear with me.

Thanks for reading my last post and for all the prayers. Thursday was a rough day and we were feeling it. I gave myself a solid 24 hours to be confused, disappointed and worried. Surprisingly, I didn’t totally lose it and I genuinely think it was because we were so covered in prayer. Thank you for that. I was feeling comforted by everyone's prayers; I didn’t know what to pray. The emails, text messages, Facebook messages. I reread many of them just feeling your encouragement.

With that being said, I must admit that the struggle is real, but so is GOD. My goodness. The other night, I was home alone and the kids were in bed. I just sat on my phone googling the heck out of everything. You guys, the Dr. even told me not to google stuff. I know better. After looking up a couple medical sites, I forced myself to open my Bible app. I found a devotional and the scriptures were so fitting. I intentionally thought good things and made myself think about God’s promises.

Why is it so stinking hard, though? I literally said to myself out loud, "stop googling!". I was talking to a friend on Sunday and came to an interesting realization about why I was online. I was searching for the outcome. I was trying to read to find out what would happen. I wanted an answer. Something concrete. So that I would know what’s going to happen and be prepared. But, that’s not what you find when you google polyhydramnios or hydronephrosis or achondrogenesis (they even sound bad).

(For my newer friends who don’t know our history. In 2011, we had a little girl who passed away after we had her at 34 weeks. At our 16 week ultrasound we found out that she had a lethal skeletal dysplasia. Every week we had an apt to make sure her heart was still beating. We were blessed to carry her to 34 weeks, much further than the doctors expected. You can read her birth story here or the beginning of our story here.)

Anyway, I wanted to write again to let you all know that we’re ok. Since Thursday I have talked to the nurses with all my questions. I have a better understanding of where we are at with the pregnancy. The normal range for amniotic fluid is up to 8.4. I’m at 9.5 (mild), 10 (moderate) and 20 (severe). Please pray that it stays in the mild range and that we don’t even have to think about the rest! Also, I’m very paranoid about how often the baby is moving. I do my kick counts a couple times/day as instructed. I could use prayers to keep my thoughts focused on the good things. Not the ‘what ifs’.

I feel like I have been through this scenario already. The waiting week to week game to make sure the baby is ok. I need to realize that this baby is different. It’s not the same as Layla. However, I know the trick to getting through this.

Be intentional.

Sounds easy, right? When I was sitting on the couch, looking things up on my phone. I had to intentionally stop and focus on God. When I start thinking about all of the what if’s, I need to be intentional and think about God’s promises.

Pastor Mark talked about this on Sunday. Did you know there is no neutral? If you’re not intentional about what you think about and what you’re filling your head with, the default is not neutral. The default is bad. Good = life. Bad = death. Google = Death.

“The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:6

I prefer the second one. Life and peace.

That's the update for now. We have appointments on Wednesday and Thursday morning this week. I'm sure I will be posting updates. I appreciate every single prayer and message. Thank you for walking this road with us. You are our support system and hold us up when we don't feel like we can stand.

*sigh* *breathe*

I didn’t even think about bringing home a baby until Jan 3rd. Not even kidding. So we finally started talking about c-section dates and days off work. Just when I start planning  and allowing myself to get excited…the wind gets taken out of my sails.

We had our 30 wk dr. apt today. The baby had some kidney issues that have now resolved, which is great. But, now there’s too much amniotic fluid. The baby is working overdrive. Of course, the dr said a couple scary words like ‘stillbirth’. Ugh. I’ll be going in every Thursday to monitor the baby’s breathing, movement, heart rate, etc. If he doesn’t pass the ultrasound we will discuss delivery.

With all that being said, please pray for us. We are feeling drained today. Disappointed. Tired. Like we just got knocked down a few notches. Please pray that we can carry him as long as possible and that we won’t need to deliver too early! Also that Bryan and I can feel some peace and be able to navigate through this once again.

Thank you for supporting us. This feels all too familiar.

Ah, November

So it seems that anything monumental in my life happens in November. Check it out:

         I worked my last day at Sentry Insurance in Stevens Point. 

I went to M & I Bank for the next 3 years.    

  

Bryan and I made the decision to move to Green Bay for more opportunities and to be closer to family. How amazing to see what has happened since then. 

We had complete faith and trust that God would do wonderful things. 

It was a little risky, but sometimes it's worth the risk to see what God's plan is. 

Wow, 32 weeks. I often don't believe my own words when I read them. 

I had so much faith that God would show us a miracle. 

Fun to see these posts next to each other...

We shocked the Dr.s! That's always an amazing testimony to our faith in God. 

I remember that was the first time that the Dr. acknowledged that 

 our baby was a baby and asked her name.

What a difference a year makes! This post was right before our

 20 week ultrasound with 'Beanie'.

And we found out about our perfectly healthy 'rainbow baby', Zoey Noelle!

We put an offer in on this house on Layla's first birthday. We had no 

idea it would take as long as it did and we moved in 2 weeks 

before having Zoey. A fresh start. 

And now...how fun it is to see what's happened in the past and be able to reflect on those events. The roller coaster of emotions through all of it. But seriously trusting God though every single one of those job changes, moves, and babies.

Seeing these Timehops helps me realize why November always feels like such a crazy month to me. I'm reflective and sentimental. The seasons change from fall to winter. We celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas. The days get busy, but the moments are so meaningful with such good memories and traditions.

It's fitting to realize how my life is shifting again...in November. As most of you know, we're expecting a little BOY in March! And last week I was given a promotion at work. Bryan and I are so so happy and give all of the praise to God. There are couple minor things they're monitoring with the baby, but as usual, we're trusting that it will all be okay.

So, I guess I'm writing this to say that God gives us more than we could ask or imagine. He knows what we need and when. His timing is perfect and He deserves all the praise for everything I've written in this post. The ups and the downs.

God uses it all and to Him be the Glory!

The Post About Weight Loss

Timehop can be a lovely app, right? My #tbt was so eye-opening today.

I’ve always been an open book. I haven’t written in a long time and I miss it a lot! So, I’ll let you in on a little bit of my reflecting.

Most of you know, I have 3 daughters. Kylie is 6. When she was 2, I lost about 20 pounds before getting pregnant with Layla. She was born in November 2011 and passed away shortly after she was born. (If you want to read my journey, start at the beginning of this blog). Shortly after, I had Zoey who is now 2. There was not much time between Layla and Zoey, so I just ate and acted like I was pregnant between the girls. I realized when Zoey was about 7 months old that I needed to pay attention to myself a little bit.

After having Layla I didn’t eat for a couple months. I was not healthy and I was grieving. I can see right through the smiles in pictures from that Christmas. I didn’t have a hard time eating after having Zoey. I was at my heaviest in December of 2013. I had to make a change.

I’ll cut to the chase. I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I beat myself up when I have an off day or vacation week. But to see how far I've come is reassuring. I know that if I do the work, I’ll see the results. I still have a little further to go.

Here's your before/after pic. Everybody loves these, right? 

In the before picture, I was 39 pounds heavier than I am now. Yes, it took that long (18 months) for me to lose weight. I take days off, enjoy birthday cake, drink Mountain Dew & eat candy (I need dessert after every meal).

The most important thing I’ve learned; you can't out exercise a bad diet. I hit a plateau from June-Nov 2014. I was running over 7 miles/week & not losing a pound. I drastically changed my eating habits & started losing. I began working out and toning my body. I haven't lost much lately in pounds, but the inches are evident.

I have this goofy fear of being selfish. I feel guilty every time I go to the gym. I should be home with my kids, my husband or working. I’ve recently learned that the time I’m spending on myself has made me a better mom, wife and employee.

Why am I sharing this? I guess to say it's hard work & it takes time. There's no magic pill that will work & there's no end. It's cheesy, but it really is a lifestyle change. I am in control of who I am and have taken huge strides in improving and being intentional in so many aspects of my life.

If you’re at the beginning of your journey, be encouraged. Cutting out processed foods, to start, will make you feel incredibly different. It’s shocking. Try it! 

Surround yourself with encouraging family and friends. It’s always good to have a group of cheerleaders helping you stay on track. My family has been a huge support system as well as the Better Body Fitness family keeping me on track & kicking me in the butt.

If you’ve been living a healthy lifestyle for a while, you know what I’m talking about. Always keep a big perspective on where you are. On the days you feel like you're failing, look at how far you've come. You improved your life, intentionally. Don't stop.

Moving Forward with Intention

I've been feeling restless. Eager to do more. To excel. To prove my worth. I've applied for jobs, thought of having a baby, painting my living room, a dog & most seriously starting school.

What is it that I'm missing? Why am I searching for a distraction? I need something to occupy my mind. Will I always feel this void?

Don't get me wrong. I love my family. I love my job. I'm happy. I'm content.

Maybe this is my midlife crisis. I'm almost 30. There's gotta be something more. I feel the need to contribute in a way. To something bigger than me.

Why suddenly? Probably because things have slowed down enough to allow me time to think. It's easy to be "too busy" to think/plan/execute for your own life. Much easier to do it for big projects at work. But when that's over or the job & daily grind is stripped away, what's left?

Part of me thinks I'll always feel this way. There is something...someone missing. Layla's 3rd birthday came & went (with no blog post). We had a family celebration & of course celebrated her life. But the ripple from her 3rd birthday continues in my desire to use her story, my story, for something bigger. Bigger than me.

So, a toast. A toast to becoming more. Not different. Or someone else. Just living to the fullest. Really living a raw, honest, real life. Humble and vulnerable. Brave & courageous. Not looking back at mistakes I've made or things I could have done better. Moving forward. With intention. Discovering my purpose and the reason for my story. Using the storm to show others that there is a rainbow somewhere.

"We want something more. We hope there is more. But we are all afraid that hope is selfish. But what if. What if the things you love to do collided with the plans GOD had laid out from before the foundations of earth."- Jennie Allen, author of Restless

I Know the Pain of a Heart Break

I realize that I haven't posted in a very long time. Since the beginning of the month, I've been wanting to write a post to recognize that October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

This was proclaimed in October of 1988 by President Reagan, "When a child loses his parent, they are called and orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the US and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes."

Sadly, I think it's safe to say that we all know at least one person who has had to experience the loss of a child (aside from me). Join me in taking few minutes for a quick prayer for comfort and understanding. For renewed faith in these homes. To turn to God despite the terrible storm that they've endured. Recognize that these children were on purpose.

Some of you may have heard of the "bucket list baby" story floating around Facebook. I believe it gained popularity because they knew their baby had a poor diagnosis and made the most of it by documenting all of the fun things they did with Baby Shane in mom's belly. What a sweet idea!

I saw this story on my news feed many many times. Again today, as Baby Shane was born early this morning and passed shortly after. Over the last month or so, I skipped over the story many times. I think out of my desire for ignorance. I wish, so badly, that I didn't know those feelings. But, I know them all too well. They are so real to me still.

I've written about this picture a couple times. This picture speaks a million words to me. I have a feeling that every mom who has lost a child has 'this picture'. A picture that portrays so many feelings that cannot be described. A picture that causes waves of emotion each time you look at it. Just knowing those feelings that you had in that moment. This is the picture of my heart break.

This picture was taken moments after the Dr. checked Layla's heart beat.

To all the moms who have lost a child. Please know this, "You didn’t choose this. You didn’t want this to happen. You didn’t do anything wrong. It just happened. To you. Despite your begging, pleading, praying, hoping against all hope it would not. Even though everything within you was screaming no, no, no, no, no."
 - Angela Miller, You Are the Mother of All Mothers

I know the pain of a heart break. I know your pain of your heart break.

10 Days Old

Well, I've been a little too busy to update my blog. There's something a lot more important right now. Sweet Zoey Noelle has been too enjoyable. I've been loving every second with her. Every once-in-a-while I get caught up with cleaning or thinking about work things to do. But then when I see her, those concerns go away pretty quickly.

As expected, I think she's perfect. My c-section went really well. There were a couple moments that I remember asking more than once if she was okay. I hear her cry right when she came out, but then she stopped. So, I just kept making sure she was okay. Very different from the last c-section in the same operating room. Just needed some reassurance and to see her. She's so beautiful with perfect dark hair and long 'piano' fingers.

Kylie was the first to meet her after school. She was so excited, but still reserved. She kissed her, held her and so innocently told her that she "gets to come home with us". Since then, Kylie has been such a great big sister. She made up a lullaby that actually gets Zoey to quiet down (but only when she's singing it).

Zoey is very content. Our nights have been going really well. She's up every two-three hours and then goes right back to sleep. I've been sleeping when I can and cuddling with her while Kylie at school. It's been lovely. I'm enjoying it while I can.

This post is becoming nearly impossible to finish. I started it yesterday & have been interrupted so many times! I better tend to my 10 day old. :)

My friend Heidi came over for some newborn pics! Zoey was eight days old. Take a peek. 

I love waking up to this!

Zoey Noelle

She's here!! Zoey Noelle was born on Monday morning at 8:25. Eight pounds fourteen ounces and twenty-one inches long. A little bigger than Kylie but still in newborn clothes.

Bryan, Kylie and I are so in love and amazed by God's blessings.

I'm sure I'll write more later. Here's a couple pics to hold you over.

Rainbow Baby

Have you heard of that term before? Surprisingly, I hadn't until I was looking things up with Layla. I discovered that a "rainbow baby" is a baby that is born following a baby loss. So now, we're having our rainbow baby. I read the definition from the urban dictionary.

In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.

The storm (pregnancy loss) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm-clouds might still be overhead as the family continue to cope with the loss, but something colourful and bright has emerged from the darkness and misery. "We lost our last pregnancy, but now we have a rainbow baby."

I love that it posts the analogy of the storm. Remember my very first post? I knew there would be many blessings throughout this entire journey. My, did we ever experience blessings. I found out we were pregnant with Layla in April of 2011. We'll have Zoey two years since then. Bryan and I have grown so much in these past two years.

Zoey is our beautiful and bright baby that has emerged after this dark period. She is not a replacement. We cannot disregard the past couple years of what we've been through. The season that we've endured had a purpose. Now we are being blessed with another baby girl. We're so excited.

Five more days and we'll see our Zoey. Kylie can't wait to see her little sister. I am enjoying her rolling around in my belly. It's not too uncomfortable yet. I definitely have my pregnant waddle down. Heidi (did our family pics in February) took a few pics today of my growing belly. I'll be 39 weeks on Saturday.

I'm just finishing my Wednesday night of work. Heading to our old house to pack & get Kylie to bed. Our carpet was installed today and it looks awesome. Just have to get everything moved over tomorrow/Friday. Then clean the old place (worst part of moving). After we're settled, I'm sure I'll post again & show some pictures of the house!

Officially Feeling Pregnant

Okay, I know I'm almost 38 weeks pregnant. I know my hormones have been all over for the last few months (sorry, Bry). Something happened on April 1. I officially started feeling pregnant. I think that's when I realized that I'm having a baby on the 15th. Yikes! Less than 2 weeks now. I can't get my shoes on, I'm not comfortable sitting/standing/laying down. My heartburn is constant. It's lovely. :)

Really, it is. I love being pregnant. I love feeling Zoey squirm around. Kylie loves it too. I don't have any major complaints. And to just start feeling like this now is pretty good. I'm starting to have strangers ask me when I'm due. Followed by, "Do you know if it's a boy or girl?". Typically followed by "Is this your first?". It doesn't end. With most people I answer that I have a 4 year old daughter. It gets pretty complicated when I hesitate with saying two daughters. That's just the way it is, I guess.

So I'm just realizing that everything is happening pretty fast this month. The house should have paint by the 7/8th. Carpet is being installed the 9/10th. We're moving on the 11th. Having Zoey on the 15th. Should work out perfectly, right?

We had an appointment today & everything still looks good. Nothing new. One more appointment on Tuesday and then it's time.

I've waited so long for this and it's finally close! I better get some things finished up in these last 11 days!

Homeowners Again!

It worked! Finally, we're done with the "buying a house" journey.

Bryan said it best:
"I'd first like to thank GOD. He makes a path when there seems to be a dead end. Thanks big guy. Thank you to the best realtor in Green Bay Greg Dallaire. Thanks for being awesome. Brian Wickert and his awesome team for getting us this mortgage. And finally my beautifully pregnant wife. Nancy Gruse you know as well as I do that none of this would have been possible with out your hard work. Thank you very much for helping our growing family get a home to grow in. Goodbye (and then I kick over the mic stand like a rock star)"

Here are some pics from today. Lots of work to be done in the next couple weeks. 

We brought Kylie's princess table with markers and coloring books for her new bedroom. Now, she'll have something to do while we're working. Bryan and Kylie took out the laminate in the master bedroom. She's a great helper!

Should be a fun few weeks!

Experiencing Our Generous God

Just one day after my last post, we received the phone call that the offer was accepted on our house. Our prayers were heard and I just had to ask. Sometimes it just feels that simple. Other times, it feels like such a struggle. God is a generous God.

Our church did a short series on tithing a little while back. Bryan & I have always put a priority on tithing. When we lived in Stevens Point, there were many times that we 'tested God' in this and He always provided. As everyone has struggled a little in their finances these last couple years, we put our tithing aside. Not on purpose. It just happened. I didn't remember, or I spent the money on something else before I 'could' pay our tithe. A couple months ago, we faithfully began again. Full-well knowing that He would provide for us. Money had been tight with all of the expenses of getting this house. A few hundred for an inspection, a few for an appraisal, mortgage insurance, closing costs & the costs to get the house ready to move into! We knew it was time to obey God (shouldn't have stopped!) and trust Him.

It worked. Surprise, surprise. We have experienced so many unexpected blessings. Saving where we didn't think we could afford an amount. Having just enough to pay for certain expenses and normal monthly bills.

With all of that being said, here are two scriptures that I've been thinking of this week.

Malachi 3:8-11 The Message
"Begin by being honest. Do honest people rob God? But you rob me day after day. "You ask, 'How have we robbed you?' "The tithe and the offering - that's how! And now you're under a curse - the whole lot of you - because you're robbing me. Bring your full tithe to the Temple treasure so there will be ample provisions in my Temple. Test me in this and see if I don't open up heaven itself to you and pour out blessings beyond your wildest dreams."

I like the way The Message reads. "...see if I don't open up heaven and pour out blessings beyond your wildest dreams." It kind of has a snotty sound to it. Instead of saying 'I will open up heaven...', He encourages us to test him.

The other verse was posted by a friend of mine on Facebook.

1 Peter 5:8-11 The Message
Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in christ - eternal and glorious plans they are! - will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, He does.

I have suffered and am finally understanding my Generous God. Maybe not understanding, but seeing that His word promises that suffering won't last forever. Our family has made it through one set of suffering and are now seeing the glorious plans. I know there may be more suffering and we will stand strong again. I know some families are going through huge trials over and over. I pray that this scripture will be an encouragement and reminder. "Keep a firm grip on the faith. He gets the last word; yes, He does."

On a side note, we had our 35 weeks ultrasound with Dr. Hayes. He was happy to give us good news and his "final blessing" on our baby girl. He said she's perfect & following the growth chart as normal. Fifty-third percentile for growth. She's already 6 pounds and should be a little over 7 by the time she's born on the 15th.  Our ultrasound tech said she has a lot of hair (just like the other girls). Her head is pretty low, so we didn't get a good pic of her face. Soon enough! I'm sure these next few weeks will go by quickly.

Thanks for checking in & praying with us!

Boring Update

Hey! I haven't posted in so long. I remember this little break I took right before we had Layla, too. I've been busy finishing up Simply Fresh Films work & preparing for Zoey! We don't have any exciting updates with the house or the baby. I suppose that's a good thing, in a way.

House update: still waiting. Yay short sales. It sure is a good deal, but takes a lot of patience. We made our offer in November. In February, they came back at a different price & we accepted it. Now, we're waiting for them to accept that. I know, I don't get it either. We were hoping to close by the end of March, but that's becoming unlikely. Even thought we don't quite have the house, we've had it measured for new carpet and paint. We're trying to get estimates and stay on top of things. Just in case we get it in the end of the month, we'd love to get it ready asap. We won't be moving in until the flooring & painting is done. Please pray with us. We're praying that the bank 1-accepts the offer, 2- accepts it soon! Also for our financing to go through in the mean time.

Baby update: still waiting. We're very patient people. I'm starting to remember how long I've been waiting for this! Pregnant since April 2011 (with a break between Layla & Zoey, but ready for a baby the whole time). It's been a long time coming for us and now I can't believe how close we are! I have a c-section scheduled for April 15th at 8 am! I've been going over scheduling details with Bryan, work & family. Now, I would love for it to go as planned, but we'll see. We had an appointment last week. Everything is measuring right and looks good. Baby is head down but not dropped. We have a 35 week appointment on Tuesday. It's another big ultrasound with Dr. Hayes and an appointment with our Dr. afterwords. I can't wait to see her cute face again. After that, we have appointments every week until the c-sec date (at 39 weeks). I'm sure this last month will go by very fast!

So, we're hoping to be in the house before the 15th. I'm trying to be realistic, so I took out 'enough' stuff for Zoey at our current place. Things I think I'll use in the first month or so. Everything else is packed away. Who knows? Maybe we'll be moving while I'm on maternity leave. I guess that could work. We want to rush to move in & get the house ready, but at the same time we want to do it right & make sure everything is done before we move in. It will all work out in God's timing. Please pray that we continue to be patient and trust in His time. Man, it can be hard!

There have been so many cute moments with Kyle & Zoey. Just last night she was talking to my belly about Layla. I said that Zoey doesn't know about Layla yet. Her response was "I can tell her about her! Zoey, Layla is a special little girl in heaven watching over us. She died and she's in heaven. So I have a necklace for you when you come. Love you. Goodnight." It was so sweet. Kylie is going to be such a good big sister. I know that's what everyone says about their kids. Kylie is so aware of everything and a naturally caring person. She's very 'motherly' in everything she does. Maybe a little too bossy, but it's cute for now.

We spent my birthday in Shawano with my sister. It was a great relaxing time. The kids were great and we went swimming. It felt so cool with swim while pregnant. What a great feeling! No pressure or back pain. Just floated around in the warm pool. Chad took the kids while we had a spa party followed by pizza & cake! Perfect bday celebration!

I've been feeling good at work. Some days are longer than others. I worked a little over 40 hours last week, so I'm going to try to slow down a bit in this last month by taking Friday's off. And I'll try not to work as much at home after I leave work! Easing myself into maternity leave, I guess. We record the radio show on Monday & Tuesdays. I run the camera so it's a lot of standing. I'm in the process of training someone to cover for me while I'm gone. I also tried to write up what our schedule will be like while I'm on leave and through the summer. Should be interesting.

That's about all I have for now. I'll probably post more maternity/family pics on my blog. I just love them so much and I didn't post many last week.

Happy days to you all. Thanks for your support & prayers through all of our craziness.

Family Pictures

I'm so excited to share our family/maternity pictures with you! My friend, Heidi, took them last Sunday. They turned out great. I was so excited to have pics in the pretty snow. Kylie was so good, the entire day. We started outside and moved to The Creamery in De Pere for some inside pics. It was nice and cozy with hot drinks & delicious cupcakes!

Check out the pics!

Pancake Squares

We had the most delicious breakfast on Thursday. It was pajama day at Kylie's school and we were all home in the morning with extra time for breakfast.

I found this recipe on Pintrest. It didn't take long to make and was a huge hit! Bryan and I have always had issues making pancakes. Part of the problem was that Bryan was using the waffle recipe on the Bisquick box every time he made them. The other problem is getting the right temp on the skillet. The first couple are never done right. Just when we perfect it, there's not batter left!

I love this recipe for Pancake Squares, because you get a whole 9 x 13 dish of fluffy pancakes in 30 minutes. Then you can all sit down at eat at the same time!

Here's a pic from the original people who posted them. Ours looked just as good, but my pic isn't as cute.

Here's the recipe for a 9 x 13 dish:

Beat:
2 eggs
4 T melted butter
1 1/2 cups milk
2 T sugar

Beat into wet ingrediants:
2 Cups flour
4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt

Pour into a greased 9 x 13 pan, bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes.

We each like our pancakes so different. I prefer just butter. Kylie loves chocolate chips. Bryan always stacks them and adds chocolate chips and syrup!

Next time you need a delicious breakfast, try it out! You'll love it. 

Lesson. Learned.

click to enlarge

I saw this picture online on Friday morning & thought it was pretty funny, yet true. There's a fine line between assuming/imagining/hoping for a "yes" and being okay with hearing "no". I think I had this well figured out with Layla. Hoping for a change, but also being okay "even if He didn't" change anything.

On Friday morning, I realized that I wasn't okay with a 'no' on the house. I felt like we deserved it, after all we've been through. But, after I read this comic strip I had a nice little chat with God. Basically coming to terms with the idea of not getting the house. And being okay staying in the duplex if that's what will happen. Letting go & letting God.

Ironically, we got a phone call on Friday afternoon at 4. We got the house (technically)! They countered our offer & we accepted. We have an inspection on Wednesday & are hoping to close in the end of March if all goes well. This is what we were waiting for, but it's still a waiting game. Praying that everything will smoothly move forward. Once we actually close, we'll have to repaint the entire house & put new flooring in.

We know we're crazy. This would all happen in the beginning of April. So we'd have a couple weeks before Zoey comes! Please pray with us that everything goes smoothly! We're excited :)

Spring Fever

Every morning this week I've been waking up ready for spring. This winter weather is getting old. It's still so pretty, but not fun anymore. Bryan will agree that I'm definitely nesting. I can't get my house clean or organized enough. I'm running out of energy a lot faster these days. I need to sit and take a break before I even leave for work! It's exhausting. Thankfully, I get to sit most of the day. I get up for a short walk to refill my water or go to the bathroom pretty often.

Still no news on the house. We're still hopeful that our offer will be accepted. Right now, I'm questioning if we'll be able to move in before Zoey's born! But, we'll just wait and see. Please pray that the bank decides soon! I just want to know what's going to happen, of course.

We had our 31 week appointment for Zoey. We haven't agreed on a middle name yet. I've been saying 'Zoey Boey' or 'Zoey Bean'. At some point we'll pick a real middle name! The appointment was great. Her heartbeat was 160. She's head down, but hasn't dropped. All is good & we'll probably pick a c-section date the week of April 15th. (Any suggestions for a date? It's weird to pick a birthday!) I have another normal appointment at 33 weeks and an ultrasound with Dr. Hayes at 35 weeks. Should be fun to see her cute face one more time before she comes. If she's like the other girls, she'll have tons of dark hair.

I think we've figured out what our schedules are going to be like this summer. We'll see what happens. Kylie's going to summer school three days/week and home with myself or Bryan the other two days. We're still working out the details for Zoey. Hoping we don't need someone for too much with the way our schedules work out. It was so nice to have Bryan home with Kylie, we were very blessed to be able to do that. Technically, we could do that again, but we both like our jobs too much. I think that's a good thing. Happy at home & happy at work, both doing what we love. Only took us a few years to get it right. :)

So, we'll take suggestions for birth dates and middle names. We won't guarantee anything, but it would be fun to hear some ideas. We're hoping to do some wintery maternity pictures on Sunday. I'm sure I'll share them when we get them back!

Here's hoping for an early spring & some nice weather from now on. I've been itching for a vacation this month. I realized that I've been to Florida the last two years in March/April, which is probably why I want to go so badly. Maybe next year with a five and almost one year old.

Happy Wednesday! :)

An Eye-Opening Discovery

I came across a blog post on Facebook the other day. The title caught my attention because of our journey with Layla. I read the post and have been thinking about it for days. I know that I share my opinion often on this blog. I am shocked at the number of people who read this. I don't expect you all the believe in the same things that I do, but something about my openness & honesty or just plain curiosity is intriguing to you. With that being said, I'm going to share my opinion again.

The topic of abortion is heavily debated in today's culture. I don't typically share my opinions on this and I am not a fan of the people who protest at clinics and all that stuff. I don't want to get into a deep discussion with anyone about this. This is merely my take on this particular story that I read. I hope you find that it challenges your thinking and maybe even pushes you to do something about it.

I don't want to share the blog that I read. There is only one post on it. It is a women's story about her pregnancy. The summary is that she had a 21 week ultrasound for her second child. They received a diagnosis that the baby's limbs were short, he had fluid in his brain, and his rib cage was too tiny for lungs to expand. She was given the option to carry the baby, with the prognosis that he would not survive past birth or terminate the pregnancy. She chose to terminate. Hospitals don't allow late-term abortions, so she had it done at a clinic in Chicago. There are more details that are just horrifying and I don't care to share them. Basically, something went wrong during the procedure after they had taken the baby. She was rushed to a hospital and because of the mistake that was made, lost her uterus. Her blog post was written as a speech to Planned Parenthood to plead for them to allow late-term abortions to avoid what happened to her.

She ends her post by saying "No one should have to suffer while trying to do what's right for their children."

I was shocked after I read this. I had to take a few days to process it. So, please bare with me while I try to explain my thoughts.

If you don't know our journey with Layla, please read this post for an overview of the initial diagnosis. It is very similar to what this lady was told. Layla's limbs were short, her chest cavity was too small, there was swelling around her head. We were told it was a lethal skeletal dysplasia. In fact, this lady's baby was diagnosed with a dysplasia in the same category of Layla's. It was listed in our possible diagnoses in the beginning. I looked up her baby's diagnosis. There are 6 people who have lived with it. If you look up Layla's, there are zero.

I know you can see these similarities in our stories. But, there is one major difference. I had my baby. I let my baby live for 34 weeks inside of me. I held and kissed my baby. My daughter met her sister. My family held my baby. My baby made a difference in people's lives and she still is.

This lady is looking for sympathy for what she did. She wants people to feel bad for her. Because she aborted her baby at 21 weeks. And because of that, she lost her uterus. The last sentence in her post says, "No one should have to suffer while trying to do what's right for their children."

What a selfish statement. She is saying that you shouldn't have to suffer for nine months knowing that your child will die. She is saying that it was right and better for her child to not be born. Life shouldn't be hard, right?

Clearly, we have differing opinions on this.

It's ironic that a cell found on Mars is considered life, but an unborn child on Earth is not. I believe this is because there is no expectation of 'life' on Mars. On Earth, one's life is expected to be a certain way. There should not be down's syndrome, or deformities, or chromosomal abnormalities, or skeletal dysplasia's. And, to some people, if the life inside of them will not meet these expectations, they don't keep it.

Until I read this post, I was ignorant about abortion. For me, termination was not even an option. I was shocked to read a story of someone in the same situation as me, who chose the opposite. I don't want to be a crazy "pro-life" person. However, I didn't know that someone had to suggest "keep your baby". Keep your baby, even if the doctors say it won't live. Keep your baby, even though it will be hard. Keep your baby for so many reasons.

I feel like it should be assumed. Like people should instinctively say, "I'm keeping my baby". Little did I know, people make the other choice.

Have Patience

It's been a while since I posted! I've been busy having fun & finishing Simply Fresh Films projects before our baby comes! A lot of late nights editing, after working my job & getting Kylie to bed. Bryan's been working until 10 or so, which give me a couple hours to work before he's home. Two more projects left and then I'm rewarding myself with a pedicure!

The other day, we posted this picture online.

We finally decided to tell people "Beanie"'s name. The first person to tell, officially, was Kylie. She started practicing writing it right away. That 'z' is tricky! Bryan and I had Kylie's name picked out before we got married. But, for both girls, we wrote lists of other names. Zoey was on the list for Kylie, and it was our number two option for Layla. After liking the name for over five years, we thought we should use it. :) Zoey means "life", which is very fitting for our situation. (We're still discussing middle names.)

It's fun to call her by name around the house. Kylie writes her name all the time. We still call her Beanie on accident & most of the time Kylie catches me & Bryan!

We had a 29 week appointment last week. It had been four weeks since seeing my doctor. It was nice to talk to her about our 'plan' for delivery. I was two weeks late with Kylie. I was induced with no progress for 2 days and ended up having a c-section. I had Layla at 34 weeks. We were in a hurry because we wanted her to be born with a heartbeat, so a c-section was the best option. With all of that, our doctor said we could schedule a c-section sometime after 39 weeks. We haven't picked a date yet, but I'm sure it will not go as planned.

God is so good at reminding us that everything happens in His timing. I'm a planner. My maternity leave and pay was so perfectly written out in a spreadsheet when I was pregnant with Kylie. Much to my surprise, I worked a 40 hour week after my due date! And the same with Layla. We had just decided on a delivery date, and shortly after we had her. All of that to say, it would be so nice to plan everything for Zoey. To have everything in order before we go to the hospital. That would be ideal, right? But, I'm sure it won't happen. We'll walk in patience and trust. He has a plan.

You may remember a post a long long time ago about putting an offer in on a house. We submitted our offer on November 15th. It's a short-sale and our lease is up in March, so we gave the bank until February 14th to get back to us. This week, we extended the deadline to the end of February! It's a little frustrating, but we've got this patience thing down.

We've had some people ask how we can be so patient and laid back. I think we've always been that way, but even more after going though Layla's pregnancy. We couldn't do anything, and we just had to wait. So, we learned that there's no reason to worry or get anxious about anything. If it's part of His plan, it will happen in His timing.

The only hard part about waiting for the house, is not knowing where we'll have Zoey. My sisters threw me an AWESOME baby shower on Saturday. They didn't let me help at all, so everything was a surprise to me. It was so perfect at my favorite restaurant (Mackinaws). Family & friends came to shower me with love & gifts. My mom, sister, aunts and cousins, my best friends from Stevens Point, and a group of inspiring Christian moms that I respect, who have been so encouraging to me in the last couple years. I'm so blessed to have such a cool group of real people that support me. 

 I feel like this post is a little jumbled. Anyway, that's an update :) Bryan, Kylie & I all have off on Friday. We have some fun family plans. Our next appointment is one week from tomorrow. We have another ultrasound on March 19th at 35 weeks. Of course, I have another post in my head. I'm sure I'll write again later this week.