Kylie May

Kylie May

Layla Faith

Layla Faith

Zoey Noelle

Zoey Noelle


Our baby boy, due March 16th.

Friday, October 21, 2011

I'm Pregnant, I Want a Baby

Bryan and I went shopping yesterday for Kylie’s 3rd birthday! We both can’t believe that our little girl is already 3. We’re so blessed to have a ‘perfect’ child. (Every mom can say that, right?)

That is what I need to remember. I think that every single day. I stop & look at Kylie, or smile because of something she says, and I realize how blessed we are to have her.

I want a baby. I want to wake up all hours of the night to feed my baby. I want to bundle her up in layers to go outside with Kylie and me this winter. I want to watch Bryan talk to her about football and the Packers. I want to give her bath and put lotion on her before putting her in jammies. There are so many things I want to do with our baby. 

When we were shopping yesterday, I couldn’t help but want to look at all the cute baby clothes and baby bedding. It just really made me want a baby. Now, I know that I have to be positive & have faith that Layla will make it though all of this. Trust me, I have faith. I can picture it happening. I would LOVE to be caught off guard when she’s born & have to find a car seat. But, I know the facts, too.

I was thinking about the future. I’m a little bit ancy about it actually. We found out we were pregnant with Layla in March 2011. We’ll have her by January of 2012. With some time in between having her and getting pregnant, the earliest we could have another child is November 2012. Which is really fast! Basically, it’s going to be about two years of waiting to have a baby. Not just waiting, but 18 months of being pregnant!

I know of two or three of you reading this right now that don’t feel sorry for me. Probably more than that. You put this in perspective for me. You aren’t able to have children of your own. I cannot even imagine finding that out or getting through that. I have one close friend who adopted a little girl, a family member who adopted a little infant boy, and a previous co-worker/friend that just found out she will not be able to have kids of her own. This just makes my heartache.

I also wanted to make this note. I AM sincerely happy, joyful, excited and anxious for those of you who are pregnant or who just had your babies. It makes me jealous to see you holding your babies and dressing them in cute clothes. That’s my own issue, not yours. Don’t feel bad talking to me about your baby. If anything, I’m probably going to live vicariously through you. I can’t wait for my two sisters to have their babies (in November)! One girl, one boy!

I am blessed. I know I can have more kids. I don’t know if they’ll be healthy, but we have two adorable little girls. One is a princess. The other, an angel.


Christy O said...

I SO get it. We are waiting on our two girls who are growing up while we cannot see them. Each day is another day we miss. And yet, we got a phone call about a special needs baby born THEN, in WI, and in need of a home. But, we cannot, because of our two girls, which I am grateful for. But, my mama's heart so wants to snuggle a little one TODAY. Even while we wait. I can't do both. And we are already doing the one, the right one, God's choice for us, but it doesn't mean I wasn't sad knowing that I was missing all that. Does that make sense? I had to allow myself to mourn that, and then move on. I so get, in a certain way, where you are at. Prayers for you all at each step, each day!

silenasmom said...

Your honesty is amazing! You are living out what our pastor is preaching. You are teaching everybody to only focus on the one true physician. That no matter what earthly doctors may say...they are not our answer. Thank you for teaching us to have unshakeable faith! I will have faith until I go to heaven that I will have my "own" children...and you are helping me to do that:)

Donica Mohr said...

You are amazing Nancy (and Brian)!! Thank you for sharing how you are living out your faith. Layla is truly blessed to have you as parents - no matter how long that will be :) I also know that you are so blessed to be carrying her and loving her. You are holding her now - what an honor.

mom g. said...

I love you all so much. Your faith, trust in things to come (no matter the outcome), your honesty and openness about your desires, help all of us to realize that there is truly a universal plan and that God is in control. He has chosen you to mother this child, for however long He desires; and you have openly given of yourself to this calling. You are amazing!

Alissa Edwards said...

I just wanted to say that I think you are such a brave woman and that your love for your daughter, carrying her to term, loving her each and every day, giving her the comfort of your voice and your womb for as long as she has to live, is inspiring and humbling.

May God give you peace, comfort and even joy in the midst of such unimaginable circumstances.
And I know that one day a little girl whose face you will already know will say, "Thank you, Mommy!" God bless you, Nancy, your husband, your daughter and your baby girl.

You are and will continue to be in my prayers.

Carmen Polomis said...

wow...I go through so many emotions with you when I read your thoughts. It's interesting how you say that their are otehrs out there that "dont feel bad" for you bc of their own situation. I just want you to know that you help put my life in perspective. I know that I should not be annoyed when Evelyn gets up at 2am to eat, or when she spits up and needs a I thank you for reminding me to be thankful...Continued thoughts and prayers with you to get through the challanging moments of the day.