Kylie May

Kylie May

Layla Faith

Layla Faith

Zoey Noelle

Zoey Noelle


Our baby boy, due March 16th.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Even if He Doesn't...

I didn't think it'd be hard to have faith again. I guess it's not hard, it's just so different. Part of me has faith, but it's more like..."I deserve this to go 'right' after all I've been through."Bryan & I found a three bedroom duplex in a great location that we fell in love with. We applied for it and we're praying that we'll get it! See, Kylie & I were driving up to look at it and said a quick prayer for God's favor. We had no idea what the inside would be like. Then I loved it, and Bryan just happened to have his break while we were there and was able to come & see it. That's cool. When everything seems to be perfect. At this point, I feel like it should all work out. So, I have faith that it will.

When I was pregnant with Layla, I had a lot of faith. It was real. I really believed and felt everything I was saying. I look back at some of my post and think, how did I do that? Not just that, but why? Why was I so faithful? At the time, it was all I could do. Now, I'm not saying that God was not faithful to us in that situation. However, He didn't do what I believed was possible. He didn't do what I felt like He should do. He did other things through the process and will continue to. But, it was His plan and purpose, not mine. It's kind of embarrassing now. I read some of my posts and think it sounds so silly to have said, "Let's show the Doctors at this appointment...".

Now, when I say things in faith, like "I'm sure it will all work out." I don't feel like I really believe that. I don't feel like I mean it. Well, it's not about how I feel. It's about what I know. I know that God has a purpose and a reason for everything. So I say it because I know it will be okay because it is God's plan, not mine.

Remember this?
1. God can do it.
2. He will do it for me.
3. Even if He doesn't...

Well, this is my 'even if He doesn't...'

This is my chance to say I will still follow Him. I will still trust Him. It's not about how I feel. I feel like we should get the duplex. But I know it's God's plan, which is not determined by how I feel things should go. So, here's to having real faith and continuing to learn what faith really is. (After all, it is Layla's middle name.)


Lyla Our Little Miracle said...

I truly hope you get your duplex! I will say a prayer that you get it! Xoxo

Christy O said...

Ah, but faith is still hard. I stand in faith with you that God wants the best for you, even if to us it doesn't seem like the best at the time. I see it as we walk our adoption road. I am four weeks out from traveling and I have faith that things will continue to fall into place. We have done all that we can, and it is up to God. But that doesn't mean that I'm not afraid, that I don't fear, that I can see how this is going to happen. But, like you have said, I will keep saying "God will do this". It feels foolish at times, but God knows best. Hard as it is, painful as it might be, God promises to bring joy from mourning, to bring the dawn. God loves you guys. If this isn't the place for you to be, we have to believe that there is a good reason, and that one day we will know it, or that He has something much better in store. He loves you. He holds you and weeps with you as you mourn and struggle. He hasn't left you, even if in all you are going through it feels like it at times. He knows where you are in this journey. He is there with you. Yes, you deserve the best. But He also might have something even better in store for you! Or it might also be this. Just rest in Him right now. Float in his love. Hugs to you all, hope we are all helping you to move soon!

Donica Mohr said...

Thank you for just being real! That is one thing I just love about you.
When Dale and I were looking at moving to Green Bay 14 years ago, we had a house all picked out and were ready to sign the papers as soon as our current house sold. Well, unfortunately (or so I thought at the time), someone else came along and bought the house before our home sold so we lost it. Frustrated, we had to start the search all over again. I now l know that God had a plan all along. By finding the house we are in now, we have been so touched by our neighbors over the years in so many different ways that I know it was God's plan all along for us to be where we are now. His plan and timing are perfect. I will pray for favor for you guys, whether that means this duplex or another. He will place you perfectly.